


Prelude to a Fall

by oracular_vernacular



Series: Ungentle Descent [1]
Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Absentee Father Han Solo, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, F/M, First Love, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Fugitives, Growing Up Together, Jedi Luke Skywalker, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Backstory, Leia Organa Needs a Hug, Loss of Innocence, Loss of Virginity, Non-Linear Narrative, Plot With Porn, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Smut, Virgin Ben Solo, Voice Hearing, Young Ben Solo, jedi academy, the Ben Solo backstory Disney isn't going to give us
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-05-31 15:30:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 29,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19428844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oracular_vernacular/pseuds/oracular_vernacular
Summary: The memories of Ben Solo before he became Kylo Ren are fragmented and painful, full of voices in his head.He'd had one person who had always been there for him. She too had walked along the knife's edge, looking always to the light, reaching for it. She had always done a better job smothering everything inside her that lived in the darkness than he had.He wasn't sure it would save either of them, in the end.





	1. Chapter 1

Ben stopped for a moment, hovering over her body as it caught the blue light that filtered in from the window, where the endless city of Coruscant flickered and danced in the night. She was like a painting to him, the softness of her skin and the strange and beautiful turns of her body laid bare like a picture of a goddess. They were both sweaty, their bodies radiating heat, the deep salty musk of arousal hovering like a cloud around them. Her legs were spread, one knee on either side of his torso.

He had always assumed he would panic at this point and lose his nerve. But instead he found himself just pausing to drink in the image of her lying there beneath him, the feeling of her hand on his arm, gripping him gently in anticipation. He had seen her body before. They had been teenagers together, trained under the hasty and incomplete but always kind tutelage of Luke Skywalker. There had once been a Jedi Academy, but the students of that institution had fled in a hundred different directions more than four years ago when the Empire attacked it. Since then it was only the two of them, and Luke had intensified the training because he was keenly aware of the growing need for Jedi training among the Resistance fighters of the New Republic.

They had gotten to know one another fairly well, in that time.

“Io,” Ben said softly. Her eyes, which were dark and deep as wells and had always looked like they were moving through water, looked up to meet his.

“Yeah?” she replied, her voice made so quiet and breathy by their foreplay. He felt worlds turning within him. He was her first, and she his. It felt like they had been making their way to this moment for a long time.

“Are you sure?” he asked, bending his face down to rub his ruddy, full lips and the end of his long nose on her cheek, over her ear, through wisps of her short black hair. He did not expect her to say no, but he felt compelled to ask.

“Yes,” she whispered, letting her warm breath on his ear send electricity through his body. She felt his cock throb in response, and felt his body tense as he lifted his head to put them face to face, nose to nose, staring into her eyes with his own dark gaze. Io felt the arc of pure energy between them seem to grow brighter as he positioned himself over her entrance, taking one beat to make sure everything felt right before he began to push into her, gentle and yet never losing a moment of intensity. As he entered her, she felt waves of sensation begin to radiate through her body, and even though her breath caught with the pleasure of it and her eyelids fluttered and her grip tightened, she did not break his eye contact.

~~~~

She could remember his face, smiling at her in the sunlight on Yavin 4. They had been only fourteen years old at the time, but their bond was becoming clear. After training one afternoon they climbed up to the top of the temple that had once housed the Jedi Academy, looking out through the canopy of the thick jungle that surrounded it.

“I bet making your own lightsaber is really hard,” Ben said. That had been something that Master Luke had mentioned that day, when one of the other students asked where the lightsabers came from and when they would get to train with one.

“Just picking what to make it out of,” Iola had replied, idly twirling her quarterstaff which she always carried around with her. “I don’t know what I would use for the crystal. You have to pick something that can handle the power of the Force,”

“The Force that you can channel into it, anyway,” Ben replied. He seemed worried. “I don’t know. I’m afraid I won’t be very good with a lightsaber. Or that I’ll build a crappy one,”

“Why do you say that?” Io asked, her brow furrowing. Her hair had been long then, pulled behind her head in a high ponytail and falling in haphazard waves over her shoulder. Her mother was a noblewoman on the planet Duro, and had been adamant about Iola keeping her hair long as it was considered to be part of a woman’s dignity and status. Io hated it, of course. It whipped around behind her in the breeze as she spoke.

“I mean, you saw me in training the other day,” Ben said, looking away from her and sounding dejected. “I just kept slipping off of the Footpath.” They had been training to use the Force to guide them as they walked along the Footpath, which was a series of raised stone pillars in a pattern that resembled that of walking stones laid into a garden- except that it was fifty feet in the air, in the courtyard outside of the smaller temple.

“I think you just got nervous. I think you should practice trusting yourself. Then I bet you use the Force and find out you’re pretty good at it.” Io smiled, a smile that was half smirk but all genuine. Ben felt himself blush. That was the first time he also felt the weird flip in his stomach that he would soon become familiar with.

“You think?”


	2. Chapter 2

“Ben,” she murmured once his length was fully inside of her, and he groaned and took her face in his hands. For all the pleasures of the other things they had done this one was strange and immense because it felt so good, so incredibly intimate. She had almost, but not quite, gotten used to the feeling of him inside of her before he began to pull out and then thrust back in again. Her eyes flew wide open.

“Oh!” she breathed as the sensations swept over her, one after the other so quickly that her mind had no time to adjust, she was swimming in the feeling of it. His breaths came big and heavy as his lean, muscled torso curved with each thrust. Feeling her body jerk in response to him was only fueling his desire. Her hands wrapped around his chest, fingers gripping his back as he continued. Her mouth was slack, her breath ragged in her lungs, her eyes unfocusing. Watching the pleasure on her face was almost as incredible as feeling his own wash over him, feeling his groin tighten as the pressure built. Her face had always betrayed her enjoyment, but never like this.

~~~~

Once, on the desert planet of Jakku, Ben and Iola had been perched in the sleek spaceship they had been given on Bespin the day before. It had an unusual bench seat in the pilot’s section, since it was meant to have two pilots. Luke had decided to go into the space port alone, because bounty hunters made their way through the Outer Rim territories fairly often and all three of them were wanted by the Empire. They could not even seek legal asylum with the New Republic, since the Empire resurrectionists admitting to their underground hunt was in breach of the Galactic Concordance and therefore unlikely.

It was technically night on the planet, but there was a gas giant and its moons visible in the sky, making it a very bright night. They sat on the pilot’s seat, peering out the window.

“Did you ever hear from your dad?” Io asked, glancing at Ben. His hair had gotten long and his face had gotten a little more somber. He sighed.

“No,” was all he said in reply. There was a moment of silence where she watched him, searching his face. He was scared, she knew that much. She detected a trace of anger, but the kind that one often feels is irrational, and so keeps it tucked away. For three days in Cloud City they had waited for the arrival of Han Solo and Chewbacca to no avail. Lando Calrissian had equipped them to the very best of his capabilities, and tried to assuage their fears about Han. Ben had been checking the comlink on the ship almost every ten minutes since they’d departed.

“He’ll turn up,” she said, and it was clear she believed it. Ben felt his face tighten. He didn’t want to cry, especially not in front of Io.

“Yeah,” he sighed halfheartedly. She went back to looking at the sky, wishing she hadn’t spoken at all. The silence hung around them, heavy and dark.

“It’s a shame we can’t be enjoying a picnic or something out on the sand, with this view,” Ben said suddenly, in that way he had of finding something childlike and joyful even in the worst predicaments. Io felt her face curl into a smile as she examined the celestial bodies that hung in the sky, making all the stars seem half-shrouded in a dull brilliance. He looked at her, her face tilted slightly upwards away from him, the absolute mess of her dark hair like a penumbra around her head. She had cut it off once the first bulletin had shown a picture of her with the long hair her mother had so vehemently demanded and the word _Fugitive_ beneath it. There were a few odd freckles on her face despite her olive skin, her lips bunched into that wistful grin he occasionally saw. It had been a long time since she had laughed, or he had laughed, or they had laughed together, after a meal or just before a class or at the swimming hole that had been thirty-odd miles from the Academy temple and a choice escape on resting days.

“I could pour you a glass of Corellian brandy,” he added, “and of course one for me, and we could eat cold roast gornt and gihaal and haarshun bread.” He smiled as her face grew less and less enthused with each dish he named. “And we could steal whatever shabby little melons this planet can drum up from the hydroponics and eat them while sitting on a bantha rug.”

“Maybe you should have stopped with the brandy,” Io laughed. “Everything else sounds questionable at best, and dangerous at worst!”

“What, you don’t like smelly dried fish or bread that has to be reconstituted?” he asked, feigning shock. “Or the lingering smell of bantha fodder?” She was really laughing now. The entire concept of a picnic was funny enough, given their position as fugitives who mostly ate rations of condensed protein and drank water from the ship’s filtration system that tasted slightly metallic and was usually unpleasantly warm. The idea of sitting on the sands of Jakku in the planet-and-moonlight and eating stolen scraps seemed almost bizarrely possible, except of course for the brandy.

“No, I think I can safely say that I will stick to whatever is in those god-awful ration boxes and the brandy, if you don’t mind,” Io said, playing along.

“I’m afraid it’s an all-or-nothing deal,” Ben said, drawing his face into exaggerated disappointment. “That’s all I have to offer, and if you only take the brandy I’ll be left with nothing but stinky food and an even stinker bantha rug,”

Their laughter lingered and then dissipated, leaving a less thick silence to drift over them for a moment. Suddenly, Io turned to look at Ben.

“Hey, do you think we’ll die before we get to do normal stuff, like have a pet? Or fall in love?” she asked, seeming more curious than sad.

“Um, well,” Ben stammered, surprised by the question and more surprised by the word ‘love,’ which made him uneasy in general but at that moment even more so. “I don’t know about the pet thing. That could go either way.”

“But love seems possible, huh?” she said, not looking at him anymore but looking at the sky again. He could nearly see the two little moons hanging in her dark irises.

“Yeah, well, love seems to happen no matter what circumstances you’re in. Look at my grandpa and grandma,” he pointed out. Io felt a strange twinge in her heart at the mention of Darth Vader and his fall to the Dark Side which was born of his possessive love of his wife, Padme Amedala. But Ben was not wrong. The Jedi had been forbidden to seek romantic partnerships in those days, and Padme herself had been the Queen on Naboo before then becoming a Senator in the Old Republic. In spite of any and all good judgment, they had fallen in love.

“Yeah,” was all she said for a moment. Then, she looked at him, and the strange energy that had spurred the question was there again, but softer. “Did you ever kiss that girl, Loran?” Ben was actually shocked at this question. Loran had been a human girl from Coruscant that attended the Jedi Academy with them.

“Uh, yeah, actually. We kissed a couple of times. She was….” He trailed off. “Not that interesting,” he finished a little limply. Io didn’t seem perturbed, just curious.

“Did you like it?” she asked.

“Why are you asking?” he replied, feeling nervous. Io shrugged and looked at the control panel of the ship for a moment.

“Because I kissed her too,” she said, glancing up at him with a mischievous little grin. His eyebrows shot straight up.

“You kissed her too? Did she know we both…?”

“I think she knew. I don’t think she really cared,” Io replied matter-of-factly. “I didn’t really care that much, either. I wasn’t in love with her. I just wanted to try kissing someone.”

“Well did _you_ like it?” Ben piqued, fascinated.

“I thought it was nice. It felt nice. I think it would be nicer if I had actually liked her more,” she mused. Ben found himself grinning a little.

“Me too, actually,” he agreed. “It was fun. But I didn’t really feel like I knew what it was really like, you know?” Io, who had been pulling at the laces of her boots a little anxiously during the conversation, felt something bright inside of her just then. She looked up at him and their eyes met. The playfulness in the air was giving way to tension. She felt in the pit of her stomach that she wanted to kiss him.

“Ben?” she asked, her voice gone quiet and soft. His face seemed suddenly very close. “Do you think… I mean….” Here she fumbled as her cheeks turned pink, but he saved her the trouble of finding more words and pressed his lips against hers. He didn’t know where the courage had come from, but it just seemed like the obvious thing to do, since he felt like his entire body was being lit up by the urge to touch her, to draw closer to her. Her lips were soft, her mouth was gentle and pliant as the kiss deepened. She felt her low belly getting hot, and reached to touch his neck even as she felt his hands snaking around her waist to her low back, pulling them closer.

They had been seventeen.


	3. Chapter 3

“Oh god, Ben,” Io gasped, her body so full of reverberating pleasure that she felt she might break. She felt her legs shaking around him. Suddenly and without warning, her orgasm broke over her. She’d had a few from other things they’d done, but they felt different, more external. More like her skin was crawling with pleasantness and the nerves just under it were vibrating. But this one felt like she was pushing all of the overwhelming sensations out of herself after one last violent shudder, her movements frozen in the shock of release.

“Io!” Ben cried, and she realized dully that his orgasm had been triggered by hers. His thrusts became erratic and then he too froze, bound up in the feeling of it. Then he collapsed on top of her, his hands snaking around her waist, his breath coming deep and a little ragged. For a moment, they lay there in each other’s embrace, sweaty and catching their breaths.

“Ben?” came Io’s voice after a long silence. He lifted his head to look at her, his face flushed and the tired expression on his face terribly charming.

“Yeah?” he asked. But here, she paused for just a moment, her brow slightly furrowed as if she did not quite know how she felt about what she had meant to say.

“I love you,” she said finally. It came out deliberate and painfully earnest. Ben’s face grew even redder, but he felt a slow smile curling over his face and a huge, warm light exploding within him.

“Really?”

There was half a second of pause, and then Io actually laughed.

“Yes really!” she said, as if the question was both silly and endearing. Ben’s smile grew wider.

“I love you too,” he said, his voice going as tender and soft as they both felt. She smiled at him and he knew she felt the light inside, too. He planted a kiss on her lips and then let his head fall beside hers on the pillow, Io gazing out onto the lights and motion of the never-ending city. They might as well have been alone in the galaxy, she thought. But then she noticed something odd- what looked like a window washer droid with a small light on its mandible was hovering in one place outside of their window.

Unfortunately, they were not alone.


	4. Chapter 4

Han Solo stood staring at the viewscreen, watching with some amusement as Chewbacca gesticulated and whooped at him on the other end.

“I’m sorry, Chewie,” he said, and though he was smirking he also meant it. “I know I’m running behind. I’ll get over there as soon as I can. Cut me some slack, will ya?” The Wookie burbled a grouchy response, and the screen went black. Han rubbed the back of his head wearily. He was sleep deprived, but coming back to Coruscant was usually worth it.

“Dad!” came a shriek from behind him, and he turned to see his seven-year-old son’s tiny form jumping towards him. Ben’s small arms latched around him and squeezed tightly, as if he would disappear like smoke any minute.

“Hey, kiddo,” laughed Han, hugging the boy in return.

“I thought you were leaving already,” Ben said.

“Nah, I’m afraid the Falcon is throwing one of her famous temper-tantrums,” the smuggler sighed, and looked up just in time to see Leia rounding the corner into the little alcove where he had taken Chewie’s call.

“No good, huh? What will Maz have to say about that?” she said to him before he could formulate a good excuse.

“Oh, it’ll be alright. If it was anybody else, I’d worry. But Maz gets it.”

“Maz puts up with it. She’s a shade less true to type than the other undergrounders you work with.”

“Who’s Maz?” Ben asked, sounding excited.

“A friend of mine,” Han replied. “Maybe you can meet her one day.”

“Yeah!” Ben exclaimed, smiling. “Does this mean you can stay longer, dad?”

“Well, it means I have to stay here and fix the ship,” Han sighed.

“Can I help you?” Ben asked, almost too quickly. Han caught Leia’s face behind her son’s head, giving him a look that half demanded and half pleaded that he say yes.

“Sure,” Han decided, giving Leia a pointed glance before turning to face Ben. “Do you know how to use a Harrus wrench?”

“Sure I do,” Ben replied, and Leia saw him become his father for an instant, cocky and jovial. She couldn’t help but smile.

“Well that’s a good start.” Han let Ben slip back to his feet on the ground stood behind him. “Let’s go down to docking bay 3, and see what we can get going.” As he slipped past Leia, who had left the smile on her face so that he might catch it, Han kissed her cheek softly.

“Thank you,” Leia whispered to him. Han knew what it meant. _He misses you_.

~~~~~~

As sparks flew from the entrance of the Millennium Falcon and he heard Ben and Chewie give little shrieks of surprise, Han stood outside of the ship reading a datapad, his brow furrowing more and more as his eyes scanned the device.

“Chewie!” he shouted up the ramp at them, no longer concerned with the progress of the ships’ repairs. He heard a bellowed reply.

“Did you see this bulletin on the cortex?” He heard Chewie’s feet stomp down the hall and to the ramp, and then a fuzzy head popped out above him and burbled a question-marked reply.

“Look,” he said, handing the datapad to his copilot. Chewbacca looked over the information for a moment and then let out a startled woof.

“Yeah, I know,” Han replied. “Someone needs to tell Luke.”

“Tell Uncle Luke what?” asked Ben, who had appeared almost noiselessly behind the big Wookie.

“He might be in trouble,” Han replied. “Do you know how to use the comlink in Mom’s room?”

“Yeah, she showed me last month,” Ben replied, his small face even more serious looking than usual. “Why is Uncle Luke in trouble?”

“Ben, I need you to contact Uncle Luke and if your dial key doesn’t work, ask your mom if she had any other dial keys for anyone who might be with him. Tell him that there is a fresh bounty on him and that I don’t know who sent it out but that he needs to be careful and come back to Coruscant as soon as he can.” The little boy nodded, his dark eyes fixed soberly on his father.

“Go on,” Han said to his son, who took off running for the door. Han looked at Chewie, who howled at him.

“I don’t know, and I can’t imagine who sent it out. I want to go and find Luke and see about this myself. It can’t be a legal hit. We’d better hurry.”

  
~~~~~  
  
Ben tore back from his mother’s quarters in the direction of docking bay 3.

He had sprinted to his mother’s suite, but she had not been there. He had not entirely expected her to be. He had gone into her room and opened the communicator panel, dialing everything exactly the way he had practiced. He entered Luke Skywalker’s dial key, but there had been no answer. Nervous, he had dialed it again, with the same results. That time he had recorded a brief message saying _Uncle Luke this is Ben you have to come back to Coruscant soon my dad thinks you’re in trouble please call us_ and then shutting the panel anxiously.

He had sat for a few moments, debating whether or not to call his mother’s dial key as well and tell her. Suddenly, a feeling of intense terror had struck him, and he’d starting running.

All the way back to docking bay 3. But just as he careened into the huge open area of the bay, he saw with shock that the Millennium Falcon was lifting off of the floor and out towards the huge bay doors, through the gravity shield and out into the darkness of space. He watched, waves of half a dozen emotions hitting him at once.

 ** _He left you_** , came a voice, so quiet and tiny and in pain. He glanced around for a moment, startled. But there was no one there to have uttered it. Even at seven years old, Ben Solo had tried to push that thought back into his mind because he knew that his father had left in a hurry to see if Luke was alright. But the sense of being ripped from his father’s arms yet again was becoming a familiar and bitter ache.

Steeling himself, hearing the other part of his mind calling himself a “baby” who needed to “grow up,” he watched the ship seem to hold totally still in the vast distance and then disappear entirely as it slipped into hyperspace.

“Bye, dad,” Ben whispered, his lip trembling. But he did not cry.


	5. Chapter 5

Luke Skywalker sat in the common area of the small suite, scrolling through his holopad index, looking for any indication that new bulletins with updated photos of his scattered Jedi students had been sent out over the cortex. There was nothing new on himself or his two young charges, but there was what looked to be a fresh set of images for Han Solo and his sister Leia.

“Blast,” he cursed under his breath. He hadn’t felt good about splitting up on the endless city-planet, and now he felt even less good about it. He scrolled for further updates on the state of the blossoming Empire. Aside from logistical information about recent trade routes, treaties, and the ongoing attempts of the Empire resurrectionists to “bargain” loyalty from some of the more powerful core planets, nothing especial caught his eye. “It will take time to find the leader,” he murmured. “It will take time to gather the old allies of the Rebellion. But we will.”

Too late, he noticed a strange surge of fear coming from the room to his right. The room that Ben Solo and Iola Tosche were supposed to be sleeping in. He rose to his feet, hurrying towards the door. Even as he did so, it slid open and Io, draped in a blanket and holding her travelling bag and clothes, can rushing out. Ben was fast on her heels, wearing only his pants.

“Uncle! They meant to kill us!” Ben gasped as he tapped a locking code into the door’s control pad.

“What happened?” asked Luke in bewilderment, skipping right over his first surprise of their partial nudity. Io scampered out of his view and began to pull her clothes on hastily.

“There was a droid at the window,” Ben explained as he pulled the rest of his clothing on. “It was one of the beam-equipped sneakers. It had a laser to the window glass and it’ll be through any minute. We have to go.”

“Damn and blast!” Luke cursed again, running over to grab his satchel and hurrying out of the main door of the suite as his two apprentices stumbled behind him.

“Senator Roblu! Senator Roblu!” Luke repeated into the comlink on his wrist as he raced through the corridors, desperately trying to reach the Bith delegate who had given them shelter to alert him to the impending danger. But nothing came back from the com but static.

“Do you think he’s dead?” Io asked from behind him as Luke brought them to the small hangar bay where their ship was docked.

“I’m afraid it may be so,” he replied, expression grim. They bounded through the wide open bay area toward the small, sleek shuttle they’d been given by Senator Roblu. “I hope we can return this ship to him one day.”

“Have you heard from Mom and Dad?” Ben asked breathlessly. But before anyone could answer, there was a tug upon all of them in the Force, and their three lightsabers-- one green, one blue, and one purple-- emerged to block the sudden barrage of blaster fire that was volleyed at them from the front of the hangar bay. A sinister black ship had appeared there, and troopers in black flanked by more of the droids with their laser-beam weapons were rushing towards them. The three Jedi made a mad dash for the shuttle’s ramp, sending blaster shots ricocheting all around the hangar. Io glanced over at Ben as he made a strange, aggressive sound, in time to witness him send a shot flying right back at the trooper who sent it, despite it having never touched his saber. There was a loud blast as it struck the equipment on the trooper’s chest plate and the electronics there sputtered out as his body fell with a thud onto the floor. **_THERE! ALL OF YOU! YOU ARE NOTHING TO THE POWER OF THE FORCE!_**

“Come on!” she cried, compelled to break the surge of anger she felt rising within him. He glanced at her with that fire burning behind his eyes, but then he realized that they had made it to the shuttle and dashed up the ramp behind her, as if emerging from a trance. The door slammed shut behind them and the engines were already humming to life as Luke took to the pilot’s seat.

“Hang onto something!” he shouted back at them, and the repulsorlifts nearly threw the shuttle out of the hangar as their shields deflected a smattering of blaster shots. As they lifted out into the wild air traffic of Coruscant, Io looked at Ben, her stomach filling with a strange, deep worry. But he seemed as much himself as ever now, as he stood gripping the back of one of the shuttle’s seats, catching his breath. He looked up at her.

“Are you alright?” he asked her.

“I’m fine,” she replied softly, reaching out her hand to touch his arm. “Are you?”

“I’m alright,” he said, giving her a halfhearted smile. He knew she’d felt it too, whatever it was that had come over him down in the hangar bay. **_At least Io isn’t afraid of you._** He looked over out of the shuttle window at the silhouette of Luke Skywalker’s head.

“They’re following us, aren’t they?” he asked.

“They’d be fools not to,” Luke replied, sounding frustrated. “And no, Ben, I’m sorry but I haven’t heard from your parents. And there was a bulletin on the cortex today with new images of them. I’m worried that whoever found us found them as well.”

Io felt a cold terror settle into her stomach and looked at Ben. He seemed to feel the same thing, his face blanched. Slowly he circled to the front side of the seat and sat in it, his shoulders slumped. Io did the same on the seat opposite him, looking intently at him, letting her love and concern for him wash away the fears that were eating at her innards for that moment. She reached out and took Ben’s hand. He did not lift his face to look at her, but he gripped her fingers in return, the tension emanating from his body. But for a moment, the voices in his head were silent.

“Where are we going, Master Luke?” she asked quietly.

“We’re going to get lost, and then see if we can’t find Han and my sister,” he said gravely. “The five of us have to get off of this planet and make our way to the Resistance Base.”

“They’ve chosen a base?” Io asked, surprised.

“No. I have. It is time to gather the Alliance allies and my Jedi trainees together again and organize an attack on the Empire. The more of us band together, the safer all of us will be.”

There was an uncomfortable silence. Io knew Ben was not convinced that a new Jedi Order would do anything to help the New Republic. He was not even convinced that being trained to deny every aspect of the Dark side was beneficial to the Jedi themselves. He preferred a ‘holistic’ view of the Force, as he had put it. Io had always preferred a holistic view of people, and so could not fault him for his logic. But she felt that an Order of Jedi Knights could easily prove a timely and powerful tool, if each Jedi was disciplined in their understanding of their power and its false binary. All of this ran through her head as the ship sped on through hyperspace and her companions remained tense and quiet. She broke the stillness when another realization dawned on her.

“Master Luke, I don’t think they meant to kill us.” Luke turned his head back towards her, his brow furrowed.

“Why’s that?”

“Because they could have. Easily. They could have blown up our building, or something, if they knew where we were. What if the sneaker was equipped with a sedative? Or a paralytic?” she answered, looking at Ben. His eyes had widened as he followed her logic.

“You think they were trying to kidnap us? Take us hostage?” he asked.

“I don’t know. We don’t even know who sent the droid. I mean, it makes sense to assume it was someone affiliated with the Empire. But it could have been anyone. Either way, it looks like someone wants us alive.” She seemed more perturbed by this than by the idea of a straightforward assassination attempt. Ben just looked at the floor, tightening his grip on her hand.

Luke simply turned back around in the pilot’s seat, looking out of the view screen with a harrowed face.


	6. Chapter 6

At thirteen, Ben Solo had been struggling with the ailments of puberty. He had begun to grow tall, even gangly, and had started to get a little pimply but had failed to sprout even one facial hair. And he had started to develop a keen interest in anyone he thought was cute, the kind of interest that actually started to annoy him because he couldn’t turn it off when he needed to focus on other things.

Somewhat less typically, he had been struggling with another phenomenon that he’d managed to keep wholly to himself for years. Over time, he’d begun to hear his thoughts. Literally _hear_ them, in strange voices other than his own. Specifically the angry ones, the hurt ones. Only somewhat recently had he started to hear a voice that, instead of expressing his own feelings, seemed to express something _about_ him, _to_ him. It had been so slow to come on that he wasn’t sure it wasn’t normal, that everyone’s head didn’t read their thoughts aloud to them. But the few times he’d expressed his confusion as a kid, everyone had assured him that he was hearing things. It filled him with frustration that eventually buried itself in with his other stifled feelings of isolation and anger.

In an attempt to channel that energy into something less delicate than spaceship or blaster repairs, he’d taken up basic pre-academy training in his spare time.

The building on Coruscant that he and his mother (and, ostensibly, his father) lived in was supposed to have everything a busy Senator could need all within a few minutes’ ride in the tube, adjacent to shops, mechanics, and restaurants. Not that the Solo family had much time or money to invest in elaborate dinners or state-of-the-art ships. Besides this, keeping a low profile was important with such an unsettling heritage as Senator Organa now publicly had. When Darth Vader was revealed to be her father, the people did not take it well.

Now, in the empty portside dock where the repair and delivery ships ducked in and out all day, except for during the off-hours, Ben was moving through a series of postures that were to prepare him for his routine, warming his stringy muscles and filling his torso with the vitality of breath that would move him through the sequence. As he wrapped up the warm-ups, a tiny droid floated over close to him.

“Academy Preparation Training, Series One,” the little machine beeped. “Set One, Core And Breath.” Ben took to the floor to begin his sit-ups, then resting in a bridge-like pose that made his entire gut feel like it was vibrating, then moving to various crunches. Set Two, Back and Shoulders. Set Three, Legs. Set Four, Balance. This one always caught him where he knew it would, square in his restless impatience. The balance poses were very deliberately made in a sequence that would allow him to enter to final pose with maximum smoothness and prepare him for the focus required to stay in them for several minutes. It was the part where the Force and the drive to complete a goal worked together slowly instead of instantly, and Ben had already been embarrassed enough times by his haste and the terror of failure and denial that gripped him when he exhibited it. **_Don’t fall this time, pay attention._**

Just as he was entering the final version of the first Balance pose, his comlink buzzed and broke his concentration. Staggering so that he might not fall flat on his face, he cursed as he shuffled over to the small pile of his outer clothes at the edge of the bay. The light on his comlink blinked.

“Ben, can you hear me?” came his mother’s voice over the tinny speaker. He felt a wave of resentful irritation wash over him as he picked up the device.

“Yeah, mother, I hear you now,” he said, his tone a little clipped. “What is it?”

“Your father is here, I thought you’d want to know. I’m making us supper right now, but it’s no big deal,” Leia replied, her tone also a little clipped. Ben felt a surge of childish joy, the grin erupting over his face.

“Oh come on mother, we both know you don’t cook!” he joked, picking up his belongings hastily and chucking to himself.

“I do so,” she replied, feigning offense. “I cook all the time!”

“I’ll be right there!” was all Ben said in reply, tugging his tunic on as he nearly sprinted out of the dock, leaving the little droid behind buzzing and beeping in confusion. 

At the dinner table, Ben felt giddy with the surprise of his father’s visit. Han was grinning mischievously as his wife brought out plates and utensils, looking down her nose at the two of them chuckling.

“Well it doesn’t _look_ like Bantha fodder,” Han said, glancing over at Ben conspiratorially. In fact, the food his mother was setting out on the table looked pretty nice, and even smelled good.

“It looks kind of delicious,” Ben chirped.

“Thank you, son,” Leia said, and kissed the top of his head after sticking her tongue out at her husband.

“My dear, I am grateful for it no matter what it looks like,” Han told her.

“If you call me ‘dear’ again, I will make sure it tastes like Bantha fodder,” she replied. Han laughed and spooned some of the stuff onto his plate. It looked like meat and a few vegetables, some of which were totally alien to Ben, cooked in a tangy sauce. It was colorful and resembled real food, which was jarring to him. He eagerly filled his own plate and commenced eating with the ravenous appetite of any thirteen year old.

“Okay, I don’t know who cooked this, but it wasn’t you,” Han declared. “Because this is delicious.”

“Actually it really was me this time,” Leia said. Han scoffed.

“No way. How?”

“I just decided to do something really easy so I couldn’t royally fuck it up. And I called the cantina guy while I was cooking to make sure I was doing it right,” she confessed with her own grin. At this, Han laughed good-naturedly.

“Well, I’ll be damned. It’s wonderful,” he said.

“It really is,” Ben added, smiling at his mother. She smiled back and seemed genuinely touched.

“Thank you, O Great Lords of Cuisine,” she replied glibly, though it was clear she was grateful nevertheless. They ate rather slowly, as the treat of real food was much more satisfying than rations.

“What have you been doing, kid?” Han asked his son after he abandoned his scoured plate. Ben was still eating, his third plate of food.

“Well, I was in the port side dock practicing my training when I got your buzz,” he replied, eager to share his progress with his father. “I’ve gotten really good at the strength trainings but I was on the balance one and mother’s call distracted me.” He grinned at her.

“My apologies,” Leia offered.

“Your training?” Han asked, confused.

“The preparation training for the Jedi Academy,” Ben explained. His watched his father’s face fall, and felt his gut drop with it.

“The _Jedi_ Academy,” Han restated.

“Yeah,” Ben confirmed, a little meekly.

“You want to go meditate with all those kooks and use a laser sword?”

“Han,” Leia interjected. “It’s not as if Luke isn’t his uncle.”

“I know that,” Han replied tersely, “But the Empire will be targeting that Academy as soon as they even hear a rumor that it exists.”

“But I’m strong with the Force,” Ben piped up, “Uncle Luke says so!”

“I know that very well,” Han said gravely. “You’ve broken more than one of my shipboard components just by getting angry at it. I know you can’t help it, and I do wish Luke was around to help you learn to control it. But as it is, he’s not, and the Academy is a bad idea and I told him that three years ago.” Leia shifted uncomfortably.

“But it’s what I’m meant to do!” Ben protested. “I’m a Skywalker as much as a Solo and I know that I am supposed to learn the ways of the Force and help you defeat the Empire.” Leia looked at Han, her face strongly suggesting that he stop arguing about this right now. Ben felt his face turn red with frustration and shame, and the high voice began to hiss. **_Why does he always have some excuse? Some problem?_ **It had been his age, for a long time. Then it had been the instability of their living spaces. Now, since it was three years into the Academy's existence, it was a prime target assuming the enemy ever learned of it. Ben knew his uncle wanted him to attend, starting in a few months on his fourteenth birthday. He knew his mother was concerned about it, but she also seemed to support him if it was his choice to go, and she agreed that he would need help fine-tuning his natural affinities with the Force. Sometimes droids and wooden spoons and communicators were the victims of his moments of emotional turmoil, where the fabric of space and time seemed to ripple around him and take his anger out on some nearby blameless object. **_She’s afraid of you when that happens. You know that,_** the low voice reminded him.

“Well, hey, the training can’t hurt ya to do, no matter what happens, can it?” Han offered. Ben looked at his plate, suddenly no longer hungry.

“It does seem to help him focus his energy and keeps him in good shape, right Ben?” his mother asked in an effort to salvage the conversation.

“Yes, it does,” Ben replied, defeated. **_They’re never going to understand. Just leave them alone._**

“Well, that’s great.” Han sounded both genuine and forced at the same time.

“Can I do the dishes for you, mother?” Ben asked, looking up at her. Leia almost winced when she saw the young face of her son filled with the sting of rejection, begging her for a way out of the situation. His dark eyes were filled with questions about why he was always by himself in his room or working on a ship or training, why his mother always came back to their suite late, why his father only seemed to drop in for two or three days at a time and the times were growing farther and farther apart, and why he always seemed to find something wrong with whatever it was that Ben was doing. Han praised their son too, but even when he was small he had been the subject of criticism that Leia frankly had not expected from the ex-smuggler. She had quickly realized that Han’s harshness was the direct result of his love and concern about his child, but even if you said it over and over again it would still hurt if the love was not _shown_. Leia felt it, what was happening to her son, why he was so serious and grave-minded most of the time, why he seemed lonely and defensive, why his moments of childlike mischief and jokes were growing fewer and farther between.

“Sure, my love,” she told him, and felt the knot in her stomach tighten at the swiftness with which he snatched up a pile of dishes and made for the kitchen.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is smut in this chapter! hooray!

Luke had given Ben and Io the grace of a veil of secrecy upon their arrival at the abandoned base on Dantooine in the form of separate, but adjacent, rooms. He hadn’t pried, either, mostly because it was painfully obvious that the two had finally done something about their feelings for each other. But since the base was about to be flooded with their allies in the first formal attempt to organize a resisting force to the blossoming empirical government, he decided to let them make their relationship public in their own time.

Now, he was down in the control room trying to bring the power-grid back online and not having much luck. Four of the covering panels on the mainframe had been removed so that he might pry at their electrical innards, looking for whatever had come between the primary generator’s outgoing power line and the receiving end of the equipment there. Ben had come down to offer his help, and now the two of them each had their heads stuck inside the hunks of metal, shouting to each other.

“There’s no input valve down here,” Ben complained from his compartment. “I don’t know how the hell they got the main power in through twelve-dozen minor inlets, but that’s the only option if there’s no valve on the major channel.”

“Maybe they hid the input valve. This place was the first base ever built for the Rebel Alliance. They knew they’d be at risk pretty much constantly, of either attack or sabotage. Things might not be what they appear,” Luke suggested.

“That’s really not going to make this easier, is it?” Ben replied with a sigh.

“That’d be the point, yes.” The older Jedi pulled his head out of the mainframe and cast about the dusty room thoughtfully. “Wait. What if they didn’t need a valve here because this isn’t where the power comes in?”

At this, Ben peeked out from behind the metal. “You mean, what if they didn’t route the generator feed in through the mainframe? Where else would they…” The two looked at each other.

“I’ll check the compressor if you’ll check the main hub,” Ben suggested, and Luke was already nodding and shuffling over to another hunk of equipment on the adjacent wall. His nephew made his way to the back side of the mainframe where another unit was attached to it, and they both yanked a panel covering off to peer inside.

“There’s a valve here!” Luke called triumphantly.

“Really?” Ben asked, puzzled. “There’s one over here, too. Do you think they used both at once? That’d be… kind of brilliant. To have two inputs and one just before the compressor, so that primary control functions stay in place even if the other one is hit…” His hand slipped in between the wires, looking for the connector switch.

“Hang on, let me check the mainframe one more time for the main gate,” Luke said as he crouched back down to where his head had just been. But when he reached out to flip the switch, a huge bolt of electricity sputtered out of it and blew his hand back, singeing it. He let out a startled yelp at the pain.

“Damn and blast!” the Jedi swore, and Ben was coming around the back of the mainframe in a fluster.

“Uncle Luke! Dammit, I’m sorry. I think that was my fault. I turned the switch on in the compressor already,” he confessed, dismayed. **_You are such an idiot. Pay attention._**

“You know how a dual-input works, Ben!” Luke snapped from the floor. “You’ve probably fried half the motherboard! How the hell are we going to get this place running now?” All of the Jedi’s anxiety about the location, the resistance, everything that had been wearing on him for so long bubbled up suddenly. Ben froze, shocked at his untimely loss of composure.

**_You’ve ruined everything. Luke is going to hate you for this._ **

“I’m sorry!” was all that Ben shouted at first, but it sounded angry. “That your stupid fucking base is so beat-down that it can’t even be powered up correctly! You should’ve thought of that before we came here and now we’re stuck! Just like we were on Yavin 4, the last time you fucked this up!” In a fury, driven by the sounds of cold little voice that always affirmed when others were judgmental of him, he slapped the side of the mainframe with more energy than just the wiry strength of his muscle. Suddenly the entire mainframe lit up, and spat electricity out in more than one place, and the lights on the dashboard went haywire. **_See, you fixed it, you CAN control your powers. You’re just a sensitive little brat._**

Luke was stunned to silence, eyes wide first at his apprentice and then at the improbable activity of the equipment near him. Despite the flashing lights and the spitting sparks, the mainframe appeared to be working. After a moment, the flashing settled down to a more normal pattern of blinking, and the startup protocol began running on the screens. He looked back at the dark expression on Ben’s face, feeling the waves of barely-contained fury pouring off of him.

For a long moment, the two looked at one another in silence.

“Ben,” Luke started, but young Solo only turned around and made to exit. He stopped short when he saw the figure of Io standing in the doorway, having arrived in time to watch his outburst. She stood with eyes full of surprise and concern, but said nothing.

Unable to utter another word without losing control, Ben stalked out of the control room past her and back to his quarters. 

Io followed him. He’d only just passed the threshold, every voice in his head screaming, when he heard her light footsteps coming down the hall. He spun to shut his door, but she was already there.

“Ben, what happened?” she asked, brow knit. **_Does she want you to admit that you made a mistake? As though it wasn’t obvious?_**

“You saw what happened!” he replied loudly, breathing hard. “I lost patience! I fucking fixed it! What more do you want from me?” He started to pace back and forth in front of her, full of rage.

“I don’t want anything,” Io assured him evenly. “Just trying to help.”

“He sounded like my fucking _father_ ,” Ben spat. “I’m not a child anymore! Can’t anyone see that?”

“Yes, Ben, you’re very much grown.”

“Don’t patronize me, Iola.”

“I’m not.”

“Then what _are_ you doing?” At this, Ben suddenly turned and took her by her shoulders, gripping them harshly as he stared into her dark eyes. “What are you doing with me right now, Io? I could snap at any moment, couldn’t I? What do you see in me?”

**_What could anyone see in you?_ **

“I see you right now, just as you are.” Her reply was in the same even voice, and he even felt the calm emanating from her. But, at the same time, he could almost feel… something else. Deep within her, something coiled as if to strike, and a hard glint came off of her gaze. She too was astonishingly strong with the force, and suddenly he recalled just how much so. His own dark gaze met hers, brutally.

“Just as I am? Just like this? I could kill you, like this. Isn’t that what you think? When I feel like this, I just want to break everything. Everyone is afraid of that, yet nobody takes me seriously.”

“People dismiss what they don’t understand. I do not. I take you very seriously. I love you.” The truth of this hit him in the gut. Just like that, the voices in his head fell silent. Rage, shame, self-righteousness all stopped vying for his attention. How could they compete with her? Their eye contact did not become any less intense, but it did begin to change. His heart pounded in his chest, heat flushing his body, cock beginning to twitch inside his trousers.

Instead of making a reply, he claimed her mouth with all the fervor his body was still experiencing. She responded instantly, one hand reaching back to push the button on the door just before he nearly slammed her body back against it, his hand already snaking around her ass in search of the drawstring of her pants. In turn, she began pushing apart the front of his tunic. But then his mouth was dragging down her neck, biting her collar bone, and he yanked her pants down in one swift motion as he took a knee and buried his nose in the apex of her thighs.

“Oh!” Io said in surprise as he took a huge, obscene inhalation of the smell of her sex while plucking one of her bare feet out of the leg of the offending trousers. He did not take the time to remove the other one, nor did he grant her time to step out of it, only lifted her free leg with one of his big, rough hands to throw her knee over his shoulder. Now, with the space he needed to access her, his tongue darted out over the already swollen nub of her clit. She let out a little mewling gasp as he began to work on her, her hands immediately tangling in his mess of dark hair.

“Fuck!” she exclaimed as his fingers slipped inside, and the pressure mounted so quickly that she was forced to yield. She gripped him hard, arching back against the door as she came in his mouth, only faintly aware that her other foot was no longer touching the ground as it shook against his other shoulder. Ben tested her then, not slowing his ministrations through the crests of her orgasm, and so another one seared like lightning through her nerve-endings immediately on its heels. She let out a strangled cry, trying not to be too loud, but her entire pelvic floor contracted and her legs trembled from thigh to toes.

Without missing a beat, Ben stood and moved her bodily to the bed. Her shaking hands pried off his tunic the rest of the way, and then made their way greedily down to where his cock was straining at his trousers. She wasted no time slipping those down far enough to grip the base tightly and wrap the tip in the hot, wet crucible of her mouth. He groaned and pushed, and the feeling was incredible but he cut it off short.

“I want inside you,” he hissed into her ear as he climbed onto the bed with her, pushing her legs apart.

“Then get there,” she ordered in reply, and this elicited a growl from Ben as he crushed their bodies together, kissing her ferociously as he entered her. At first he was slow, and the still unfamiliar feeling of him filling her up made Io gasp for air. But then he was thrusting steadily, and she couldn’t stop the moans that escaped her with every breath.

Her legs seemed to get progressively wider spread, feet on either side of her head as Ben pushed the backs of her knees a little farther, and angled himself to begin to slam up into her. As she got louder, he pressed one hand over her mouth to shush her, just in case. His eyes never left hers, burning into her with that selfsame intensity that had seemed so threatening before.

Then the walls of her clamped down on him and she nearly screamed into his hand, and then he was lost, too. Panting, he collapsed onto the bed beside her, drawing ragged breaths. For a few moments, they caught their breath in silence.

“There better not be a droid at the window,” Io muttered, and grinned when Ben looked over at the window and then back at her indignantly.

“Hush, you,” he replied, pulling a pillow out from under his head to playfully toss it onto her face. She laughed, and threw it back at him. They curled around one another’s sweaty bodies, breathing in one another’s scent, quiet in the fading daylight. 

“You know Master Luke was just worried, right?” Io said in a near-whisper to him after a while, and Ben’s beautiful black eyes fluttered open to meet hers. How much like a child he looked in that moment, she thought, so artless in his need for validation and so guilty, as though he’d let everyone down.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “I guess I do know that, now that I think about it.”

“Grace under pressure is none of our fortes, Ben. It’s okay to lose your temper sometimes.” She reached up to run the tips of her fingers along his face.

“Yeah, I’m just afraid that one day I’m gonna lose mine and it’s gonna stay lost.” He turned his head to kiss her palm gently. “It… well. I try really hard not to lose it for that reason.”

“I know, love,” she told him tenderly. “I know.”


	8. Chapter 8

In one of the rooms of the ancient Jedi temple on Yavin 4, fifteen-year-old Ben Solo sat on the floor by his bed and puzzled at the various pieces of junk spread out before him.

One could really only call it junk. Pieces of broken pipe, debris from ships that had crash-landed a long time ago near the temple, parts from the old induction oven in the galley, even pieces of a long damaged blaster. Set off to the side of it was a piece of crystal, colorless and clear as glass, which Ben kept glancing and frowning at. But he took his little tools, meager as they were, and started trying to assemble the basic shape of a light saber hilt. Uncle Luke’s was his only example, so he tried to stay true to its design.

**_You’re doing it wrong._ **

“Shut UP,” Ben spat at the voice. He’d tried to assemble a saber every night for the last three nights, and always that voice had told him, in a soft, cruel hiss, that he was making a mistake. Inevitably, all his attempts thus far had failed.

**_Why would you use THAT? It’s flimsy at best. It’s going to break again._ **

“Fuck off,” the boy replied emphatically.

“Good evening to you, too,” came another voice, and Ben jumped up—but it was only Io, standing in the open doorway (there were no real doors in the temple, only curtained openings) with her arms crossed and looking at him wryly. Her hair was up in its usual high ponytail, which was a disregarded mess behind her, and she was wearing her plain linen sleeping clothes. **_And now you look like a lunatic._**

“Sorry, Io. Just talking to myself.”

“Do you tell yourself to fuck off a lot? That doesn’t seem very helpful. You should try and help yourself out.”

“I… well,” Ben stammered a little. He was unsure of how to explain that the voices that he heard seemed to take his own emotions and turn them against him.

“You working on your saber?” Io asked, apparently wholly unperturbed by his self-talk. He crouched back down to sit on the floor and glanced at the clutter of stuff, frowning.

“Yeah. It’s not working out great.” He crossed his arms on his bent knees, back against the side of his bed. His large brown eyes looked up at her as she stepped closer. “Have you started on yours?”

“I’m still looking for all the right pieces,” she replied to him with a shrug, sitting down on the other side of the junk spread from him. Her brown eyes cast over the array, and then landed on the crystal.

“You pick that one?” she asked curiously.

“Not really,” Ben replied, sighing. “But Zox beat me to the one I wanted.” One of Io’s stern brows arched at him, surprised. Luke had held a bag of the Kyber crystals open in his palm and walked down the line of trainees, letting each choose their own. Since there was no safe way to take the young Jedis to Ilum to mine their own crystals as the students of the old Jedi Academy had done, this had been the procedure Luke had chosen.

“Beat you to it? Really?” she asked incredulously. Ben just nodded, and she fell silent for a moment, clearly thinking. “I really thought that Master Luke gave us the crystals the way he did because each of us would be connected to a different one. Like the Force would guide us all to a unique stone. How did you know you wanted that one?”

“It was blue. Blue’s my favorite color. It was the only one that looked all big and blue and perfect, you know? It seemed right.” The boy’s face seemed a little downcast even when it was expressionless, but now his resignation was clear.

“Did you ask him about it?” Io pried.

“What? No, of course I didn’t!” Ben exclaimed, surprised. “Why would I ask him to give me that one when he chose it for himself? You just don’t ask about that kind of thing, Io. Plus, his dad’s an engineer, I bet he’s gone and made himself a nice functioning light saber with it already.” He gave an abandoned scrap of pipe a limp little kick with the side of his foot.

“Well… okay.” Just like that, she dropped the subject. Ben had expected her to press on, so he looked up at her somewhat suspiciously. She was giving that little conspiratorial smirk. “Let’s just focus on making this one as good as we can, huh?”

~~~~~

In the field outside the slope of the temple, half a dozen of the trainees were deep in practice. The enthralling hum of their light sabers filled the air as they rehearsed the basic motions of combat; swinging, thrusting, parrying, blocking, feinting. They were abstractions of actual fighting, designed for blocking blaster shots and other defensive moves. But when to drive with the whole arm and when to swing from the elbow and when to flick from the wrist, and how, were not abstract. To those who were used to fighting with knives or quarterstaffs, the Jedi weapons felt suspiciously light and fragile.

When Luke began the practice duels, it was always two at a time with the others watching. What had one person done wrong? What had they done right? How had they gotten the upper hand? While Luke thought it was unlikely that many of them would ever see combat with another saber, he was not interested in making the assumption when he taught.

Io was stunningly flawless in form. Most of her life she had trained with her quarterstaff, or at least that’s how she made it look, but the Jedi weapon fit elegantly in her hand. Its beam was purple, the only purple saber in the group thus far. Her focus and control were fascinating, and Ben found that his eyes struggled to leave her when she was on the field. But then, at that point, they were struggling to leave her most of the time anyway.

This made stepping onto the field even more nerve-wracking than it would have been without her presence. **_She is going to think you’re such an idiot after this. Just wait._**

“Zox,” called Luke to the three-eyed Gran student. “You’ll be up against Ben, this round.” Ben felt his stomach drop. He was going to be dueling the saber that should have… could have been his.

“Sure,” Zox replied in his guttural language, walking onto the field. “You nervous, Solo?” he joked.

Ben felt his face go red. Gran had infrared vision, and he’d forgotten that this often meant that they could sense the emotional state of others. He thought that Zox’s joke was a good-natured one, but Gran faces were so hard to read. He swallowed hard. **_Of course you are, but not about him._**

“No.”

“Good,” interjected Luke. “Because this isn’t a fight. It’s a practice duel. You remember the rules, I’m sure? Very well, go ahead and begin.”

The fight was a blur, for Ben. It was neither long nor complicated, but something about being nervous and being as full of pent-up energy as he always was meant that he couldn’t much recall the actual progression of the duel. Io watched him from the sidelines, his form very loose and reactive compared to hers. But his movements were full of intention, and he was not unbalanced or wasteful.

First halt. Zox had gotten the upper hand. Ben’s cheeks burned, and they started again. **_More aggressively this time. You have power. You should use it._**

Second halt. Ben had gotten the upper hand this time, stepping into his frustration just a little. **_That’s it. Let the Force guide you to what is yours._**

The last turn began a lot more energetically than the first two had, and Zox wasn’t as elegant or as intentional as he was quick. Bearing down just a little more on his opponent, Ben felt the exhilarating pull of the Force channeled through him as though the saber was merely an extension of his arm, the manifestation of his power. **_Yes! Take in the power, use it to turn your fear into anger, into focus, into victory!_**

“BEN!” Luke was crying, and suddenly Ben was no longer stopping at the call of his tutor, and Zox was panicking and blocking his attacks frantically.

“STOP!” the Gran bellowed, but at nearly the same instant his saber was knocked out of his hand by Ben’s strike, and an electrical ZAP seared the air as it fell to the ground in two pieces. Stumbling backwards, Zox fell to the ground and cowered. Ben stood motionless, aghast at what he’d just done and even more aghast at the surge of elation he felt at being able to do it. The silence that fell over the field was taut with the stares of all the other trainees—and worst of all, Luke Skywalker—on him. When he finally turned off his own saber, his shoulders sagged. **_Idiot child! Power isn’t everything! What happened to your CONTROL?????_**

“I’m—I’m sorry,” he started, hands shaking. Voices ricocheted around his head, yelling and hissing and wailing. His own saber hilt hit the ground. Zox began swearing in his own language, and Luke stepped over to intervene.

“Ben,” he said, his face profoundly stern. “We are going to have a talk.” Zox was on his feet again, and he shuffled over to gather the pieces of his saber, making noises of distress. Luke put a hand on his nephew's shoulder as they turned towards the rest of the group, who stood staring. Io almost reached out to Ben, but something stopped her. Her eyes cut over to Zox as he approached the group.

“Maybe it was just an unlucky crystal,” she said gently to the Gran. Ben looked over at her suddenly, brow furrowed. Something had seemed off about those words as she spoke them. **_Or maybe it was the sound of her voice that wasn’t quite right?_**

Zox looked at the girl for a moment, eyes fixated. Then, he looked down at the pieces in his hand, and without further ado threw them on the ground.

“I’ll build a better one,” he declared angrily, “So I can cut _yours_ up with it!” Now he was looking at Ben, furious.

“Zox,” commanded Luke, steel in his voice. “Go inside, the lot of you. That’s all for today.” The Gran huffed, and stalked away. The rest of the trainees all started quickly towards the temple as well, eager to be rid of the tension that was all around young Ben Solo like a net. He gave Io one last look, as she lingered behind the rest, and then Luke was steering him onwards.


	9. Chapter 9

The base on Dantooine, which had been given the unimaginative name of Base 1, was crowded within two weeks of Luke, Ben, and Io’s arrival there. Repairs, restoration, and fortification of the structures that remained were well underway, and some new additions had been built primarily into the ground. The base had been abandoned rather than attacked, and so many of its resources remained intact.

Leia stood in the command center, a room adjacent to the mainframe, looking over reports that had been pouring in from their allies on one of the massive view screens. It was deep into the night on the planet, and the room was dark but for the lights around the console where she sat. Rubbing the back of her head wearily, she sighed.

“You’re not getting any sleep either, huh?” she asked the apparently empty air around her, but in response Luke stepped out of the shadows near the doorway.

“No,” he replied, voice gravelly and heavy. He approached the console and stood beside it, glancing between the viewscreen and his sister.

“They’re calling themselves The First Order,” she said, glancing at the report. “They’ve been biding their time. I don’t know how much longer that will last.”

“I’m sure they’re preparing to strike. And I know they’re not without a leader who is strong with the Force.” Luke’s eyes wandered gravely over the screen.

“There’s no way to tell just how deep their influence goes. They’ve been after you and all the students at the Academy for a long time, and there’s plenty of evidence that the Galactic Concordance means nothing to them. I worry about how many of the ones who are here are truly loyal.”

“That comes with being hunted illegally, the paranoia. Not that it’s unreasonable,” Luke reassured her.

“I just don’t know how we’re going to face them when they step out of the shadows. We don’t know what they’re planning.” Leia’s face betrayed every ounce of her concern, and her exhaustion.

“What remains of the Jedi will be with us,” her brother offered. She looked back at him fully.

“How’s the training going?” she asked with half a little smile. “Are the lovebirds doing alright?” Luke laughed.

“They’re working very hard. I might be their master, but they teach me many things. Io is particularly inventive in her use of the Force. Sometimes I want to tell her not to try to control it so much, but I think sometimes she’s truly just letting it guide her. There’s such a fine balance to the two things, hard to strike up, that seems to come a little more naturally to her.” Leia nodded, her smile still small but warm. She had, like all mothers, been ready to be skeptical of her child’s first love, and protective of him in the process. But even more than Io’s personal qualities, she liked that when Ben was with her, more of his old, jovial self than she’d seen in a long time seemed to emerge.

“And my son?”

“Mm,” said Luke. There was the briefest blink of hesitation, almost impossible to detect. If it had been anyone but Leia, they would likely have missed it. She raised an eyebrow at him, but said nothing.

“Ben is… learning quickly. Some of the earliest mistakes he made, he’s already grown past. He’s skilled, and he’s dedicated.” He looked as though he wanted to say more, but wasn’t sure how to.

“So he’s not a bad student?” Leia asked, brow knit with concern.

“Not at all,” Luke reassured her. “He’s… reactive. Io’s example seems to help him focus sometimes, I think. She is powerfully disciplined, I think that was just part of her culture, but it’s a good influence on Ben. He’s very hard on himself. You know I never preached the old Jedi doctrine about detachment, sister. That didn’t work for our parents, it won’t work now. But Ben… he’s emotional,” he explained carefully.

“More emotional than any other eighteen-year-old boy?” she piqued, somewhat defensively.

“Maybe not,” her brother said evenly. “But he… struggles to contain it. And he is strong with the Force. The two together…”

“What has he done that’s so bad?” The Senator was more worried than angry.

“Leia…” sighed Luke. But she was looking at him with that expression that meant he should just tell her. “He loses control in duels sometimes. By some miracle, no one has needed a hand like mine as a result of that. I’ve seen him unleash his anger on difficult tasks that are frustrating him. I’ve seen him break a boulder into hundreds of pieces when he couldn’t simply move it. It’s as though something pushes him over an edge, and I don’t know why all the time.” He shook his head, leaning back against the console and looking at the ground. For a moment, all was silence.

“We always knew he was strong with the Force,” Leia said quietly. “We thought… _I_ thought that the training would help him with that.”

“I’m sure it has helped in some ways,” he replied. “I just don’t know if it’s helped enough. Sometimes, I worry that it’s made things worse, in other ways. His power has grown, his skill has grown, but sometimes I’m afraid his control isn’t growing with them. Emotions driving the Force always seem to result in darkness. I see it in him.”

“Seriously?” came a voice, sudden and harsh, from the doorway. Ben stepped out into the lit area, and his face was broiling between wounded and enraged. He had been looking for his mother, just to talk since he was unable to sleep and he knew she likely wasn’t asleep either, and heard just enough of the conversation to be horrified. “You think I’m out of control of my feelings? You’re scared of me, too?” His head was full of growls and screams. **_I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO_**

“Ben,” Luke began, standing upright, but he was cut off instantly.

“No, _you_ listen. You said you didn’t preach the doctrine of the old Jedi? The ways of detachment? But you sound just like them. I bet my grandfather heard this shit all the time. My feelings are legitimate! I’m allowed to feel them!” The boy was only just shy of shouting, his nostrils flaring.

“I never said you weren’t allowed to, Ben, but letting them control your actions is something else entirely!” Luke retorted sternly.

“Do you know how hard I work to control my actions? You have no fucking idea how hard I work to keep everything bottled in! You say you don’t preach the beliefs, but the way you were taught to become a Jedi and use the Force, and everything that you believe about what the Force is and how it works, comes from them! You’re afraid of me because I have feelings, instead of teaching me how to channel them without falling prey to them!” **_Or accepting that they make you stronger! That you need them!_**

“Ben, stop,” Leia directed, rising from her chair and turning to look at her son. At this, he did actually pause, and looked at her with an astonished expression.

“I know you’re afraid of me,” he said accusingly to her, “And dad. You both always were. And he ran away from what he was afraid of just like he always had, and you pretended you could control or ignore what you were afraid of like you always had, and now I’m hearing that my feelings are out of control and that makes me dangerous.” **_You are dangerous. You know that. Why is that a problem? Why shouldn’t you embrace your power? Do they desire to keep you weak and reactive, just like the Jedi Order before?_**

“Your mother did everything she could and you know that,” Luke interjected before Leia could reply. “Leave her alone and talk to _me_ about your problem with how I teach at my own damn Academy.” Ben’s mouth was already open to retort, but the sound of ringing metal disrupted the conversation.

“Hey!” Leia snapped, putting the cane that she’d slapped the console’s front panel with back in its place leaning against her chair. Her eyes flitted between them. “Both of you, stop it. This isn’t how a Master teaches, nor how a student learns. Ben, I’m sorry that this made it seem like we don’t have faith in you, or that we think a mistake was made in sending you to the Academy. Neither is true. The value of a New Academy, or the ways of its teachings, is a moot point until more students arrive, _if_ they do. In the meantime, you and Io are the most important people here.” She looked at Ben, directly into his vast brown eyes, when she said this. “I love you, Ben. Your feelings matter to me. You can always share them with me. But for right now, the focus here, on this base, must be the Resistance and what we are contributing to it. Or else we might not have the luxury of argument for long.”

There was a long moment of silence, where Ben looked at his mother and Luke looked at Ben. The voices even hushed.

“You’re right,” Ben said finally, looking at Leia and nodding slowly. The fierceness had not left his face, but he seemed less actively furious. “Thank you, mother.” The words sounded cold, though they were half genuine and half strained. Then he turned away, not even looking at his Master, and exited the room. Looking after him, Luke elected not to say anything, and only glanced at his sister.

“I’m sorry,” he said to her once Ben was out of earshot. “I try not to lose my temper when Ben does. It doesn’t help how he feels already, or teach him anything. That just caught me off-guard.”

“It’s alright,” she replied, easing back down into her chair. “It happens. He’s eighteen, after all. Remember that, Luke. For all our sakes.”

Luke nodded, but his face was grave.


	10. Chapter 10

“Pssst,” came a hissing whisper at the archway that served as Ben’s door at the Jedi temple. The curtain that covered it rustled. “Ben!”

“Io, is that you?” the boy asked, sitting up from where he had been lying on his bed, eyes wide open in the dark.

“Of course it’s me, silly,” she replied, poking her head around the edge of the curtain. “You’re not naked, are you?”

“No,” Ben assured her, rolling his eyes. “You can come in.” Pulling the curtain open enough to slink into his dark room, Io made sure it closed behind her before she made her way to the end of his bed to perch near his feet.

“You okay?” she asked him, her brow creasing with concern. He sighed, and looked away from her. The voices had been ceaselessly recounting the events of the duel several days ago, finding more and more things to question and judge him for every time.   
  
“I guess.” It was pointedly unenthusiastic. There was an awkward moment of silence.

“Zox will get over it,” Io offered. “I know it wasn’t like you meant to, or anything.”

“I…” Ben started, but then he stopped himself. **_Did you mean to?_** His jaw clenched, and his hands balled up the cotton sheet anxiously. “I mean. I guess I didn’t mean to. I feel like an asshole, like my jealousy got the better of me.”

“Do you think… your jealousy… affected the way you used the Force?” she asked him carefully, trying to choose words that did not imply blame.

“Probably.” He’d thought about it a lot, actually, and he definitely knew that it was those feelings which had guided his use of the Force that day. Not his intent, or his willpower. His cheeks burned. **_You really lost it, didn’t you?_**

“It’s okay, Ben,” she said. Her voice was soft and genuine. “It happens.”

“You say that like you know,” he interjected, a little snappily. He looked up at her, and her face was solemn. She kept his gaze with eerie coolness.

“I do know,” she informed him evenly. His eyes narrowed.

“You do?”

“Yeah. I’ve… had that before.” Suddenly now Io was the one who seemed uncertain of her words.

“You’ve broken stuff with the Force because you were angry?”

“Yeah, Ben. I have. Back on Duro.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really!” Io huffed, seeming a little frustrated with his line of questioning.

“Sorry,” he said quickly. “I just… I’ve never met anyone else who did that.” Another moment of silence hung over the two trainees, but this one was less awkward. They looked at each other. **_She must be really strong with the Force, too._**

“Zox has a new saber already,” she said eventually, and it seemed a little randomly placed to Ben.

“Oh yeah?” was all he said in reply, but it was directed more at Io herself rather than at her statement.

“Yeah, um…” She looked at the bed, one hand drawing out patterns idly on the sheet. “Well, I thought it might make you feel better if I told you that.”

“Why’s that?” Ben asked, puzzled. Instead of replying, she reached into the pocket of her trousers and pulled something out. When she opened her hand to show it to him, his mouth fell open.

“Is that the kyber crystal?!” he exclaimed, hushing himself to a startled whisper before he said _kyber_ because it occurred to him that maybe others shouldn’t hear. He reached out to pull her hand closer and leaned in to peer at it, recognizing the crystal from the day Zox had taken it out of Master Luke’s hands before he could.

Except that now it bore a large crack, running most of the way through it lengthwise.

“I wanted to give it to you that day,” Io said after he’d stared at it for a moment. “But it’s broken.” She seemed disappointed, half a frown playing on her face. Ben looked up at her, a look of realization on his face.

“Wait, you took it out of his saber?” Io said nothing, only made an expression that seemed to say of course? He looked back at the crystal, then back at her. “Hang on… did you…?”  
  
“I just figured he didn’t need it anymore,” she piped up defensively. Then she turned her hand over in his, which he’d almost forgotten he was still holding as he’d been examining its contents, and dropped the crystal into his palm. She withdrew her arms, putting them both between her knees and leaning a little away from him. **_She used the Force to mind-trick him into throwing the pieces of his saber away._** He was half in awe and half nervous. It was clear that she’d done it on purpose, and also clear that she knew he knew.

“Did you… can you do that?” Ben asked, stunned.

“Well I did it, didn’t I?” she replied.

“I… okay. Fair enough. If Uncle Luke couldn’t tell, he couldn’t get mad at you for it I guess. But Io,” he said, looking into her eyes earnestly. “You don’t have to do that kind of thing. Not for me.”

She made no reply at first, only looked away from him towards the floor. Then her dark eyes met his, and she gave a tiny nod.

“It’s not something I do a lot,” she offered as reassurance.

“That’s good,” Ben said. Another beat of silence. “Thank you, though. For giving it to me.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be cracked,” she told him apologetically.

“It’s okay. I’m gonna keep it anyway.” At this, Io looked back at him and a little crooked smile had begun to form on her face.

“What are you gonna do with it?” she asked curiously.

“Dunno,” Ben replied with a shrug. “But I’ll hang onto it. You never know.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more smut! this scene also leads into the next chapter.

“Fuck,” Io hissed into Ben’s tousled black hair as his teeth left their mark on the elegant curve of her neck into her shoulder, his hand slipping into the front of her trousers. Outside in the jungles of Dantooine the night was thick with humidity, but in Io’s room on Base 1 the climate control meant that as the front of her tunic fell open, goosebumps appeared on her skin and her nipples stood at attention immediately, despite the fire building in her low belly.

“You’re already so wet for me,” Ben growled into her neck as one of his long fingers slid over the swollen nub of her clit and down her slit to the opening of her cunt, which was indeed already slick with her desire. She whimpered as he refused to fill her, instead rubbing slow circles around her entrance as her legs shifted apart to accommodate his hand. They were standing in the open space beside her bed, two lamps throwing the room into sensual shadows, sheet blinders pulled over the window. She always kept the blinders down, even in daylight.

“You’ve gotten awfully fond of teasing me,” she complained in a husky, low voice. The arm that was wrapped around his chest, hand splayed on his naked back, tried to tug him a little closer. But he didn’t budge, having grown incredibly strong over his years of training as his shoulders began to widen and his frame grew more muscular than lithe. His head pulled away from her neck and he smirked at her, one arm wrapped around her waist and holding her firmly as the other hand continued its ministrations.

“It’s so rare to see you get desperate,” he replied, slowing his circles even more to illustrate his point. Io groaned with frustration, trying to buck her hips into his hand.

“Ben,” she half whined and half chided, her other hand running up the musculature of his working arm.

“So rare, to be in control of you,” he whispered into her ear, the heat of his breath sending jolts down her spine directly to where his hand was touching her. She growled, but then he seemed to take pity on her and moved his slow circles up to her clit, and she gasped with pleasure. Round and round he went, pace unhurried but steady, and she felt herself begin to flush with the mounting heat of it.

“I’m so close,” she whimpered, and his arm tightened its grip around her.

“Look at me,” he commanded, stopping his hand for just long enough to cause her mild panic. She complied, looking up directly into his blown-out pupils, and when she did his fingers began to move again. She moaned, and her eyelids fluttered, and again he stopped.

“Don’t shut your eyes,” he ordered again. “I want to look into them while I make you cum.” The sound that escaped Io’s mouth this time was more than just a whimper of pleasure, it was also one of shock. She’d never seen Ben take this much control, even though he’d quickly become assertive in bed with her, and it made her want to melt into him and let him take over. It was not a feeling she was even remotely used to, but in this moment it only served to electrify her already intense arousal. His hand started moving again, and his gaze bore into her.

“F- fuck, Ben,” she gasped, but she did not look away as the orgasm hit her and her legs stopped shaking, seized in pleasure, mouth open even as her body froze to let the sensation overtake it. As it ebbed, Ben pushed it as far as it would go with unceasing pressure, his face betraying the arousal he felt at having seized power and used it to pleasure her so intensely. Before she was done, though, his tactic changed and two fingers slid inside her, curled up, and his arm shook as he nearly lifted her off the floor by her g-spot. Her eyes went wide, surprised and overwhelmed by the intense rush of pleasure, and her hand clapped over her mouth to stifle a ragged cry. He felt her body go from contracting to pushing out the second wave of her orgasm, and with it hot liquid pooled into his hand and spilled over and drenched the crotch and legs of her trousers. When she finally stopped, her legs were shaking so badly that he had to really hold her up. He pulled his wet hand out of her pants and without missing a beat thrust two fingers into her mouth, which she suckled hungrily as he towed her body to the bed.

She pulled her tunic off as he peeled her soaked trousers from her legs, and then immediately sat upright on the bed to free his cock from its constraints and wrap her mouth around it. She was always surprised when she couldn’t take it all the way down her throat after this much time, at least not without some coaxing, but it also excited her that soon his impressive length and girth would be inside her, filling her to the brim. 

“Goddamn,” he swore, shutting his eyes for a moment before looking down at her, watching her beautiful lips stretch around him, letting out a guttural noise when her dark eyes flashed up at him. Despite how drunk he had just felt with power, he was tempted to let her seize it back from him now.

Sensing that temptation, Io yanked his pants the rest of the way off and pulled him by the hips onto his back on the bed with surprising strength. Her form was not entirely willowy, with the most lean muscle packed into her arms and shoulders and then her thighs and ass, which Ben found utterly magnificent. Pinning one of his legs beneath one of hers and using her other knee to push them apart, she returned her attention to his cock with mouth and hands this time.   
  
For a short time he left his hands behind his head and watched her, moaning and panting with his own pleasure. But when his hands came down to touch the soft black shag of her hair, her eyes flashed and she took his wrists and pinned them above his head, climbing on top of him and pressing her still-dripping cunt against the underside of his shaft, grinding her clit against the soft cleft at the head. He sucked in a breath as he realized that he wasn’t sure, now, if they actually were to pit their strength against one another which of them would win.

“It’s my turn now,” she said in a velvety purr against his ear, and pushed her weight down further against his cock. He growled, resistant to feeling powerless and yet enraptured with her power at the same time. As she continued to grind and swivel her hips, he felt his nerve endings begin to crackle.

“I want to fuck you,” he growled, and it sounded more desperate than he thought it would.

“No,” she replied, even and stern. “Tonight I’m gonna fuck _you_.”

With that, she maneuvered her hips just enough to let his cock begin to spring up from his torso, and sank down onto it. He let out a loud groan, shutting his eyes momentarily. She made a similar noise, and sighed with pleasure, and leaned back to sit upright on his length. As he began to watch her shift her hips with painful, deliberate slowness, he tried to put his hands on her waist. But they wouldn’t move, wrists crossed over his head, and she smirked down at him as he looked up at her in shock. **_Particularly inventive in her use of the Force._**

“I said _I_ ,” she began, rising up on his cock, pausing just at the tip. “Am going to fuck _you_.” With that, she sat bodily back down, and he let out a snarl of pleasure. She leaned back and looked down her nose at him, the smug little smirk on her face as she began to ride him giving way to a mouth agape with pleasure, breathing out moans with every thrust. She watched his face contort with the pressure, relishing her own power this time. He could barely rip his eyes from her hips as they rocked into him, swallowing his shaft.

“Ugh, _yes_ ,” she groaned without stopping. “You love watching me fuck you, don’t you?” One hand snaked down to her erect clit, still red from its earlier experience, rubbing it languidly. Ben was nearly speechless, breathing hard.

“Don’t you?” she repeated fiercely, leaning forward to pull his face up by the chin. Her dark eyes were alight with a fire he’d never seen there before.

“Yes, Io,” he replied reverently, breathless with her command of him.

“That’s what I thought,” she cooed sweetly, taking his plush lips with her own for a moment before she sat back upright and began to quicken her pace. His breath began to quicken, and he bared his teeth.

“Cum for me,” she ordered, and almost before the words left her mouth he was, and her fingers sped up and her walls tightened around him as she met his orgasm with her own. As she panted and sighed, he bent his knees and she laid back against him with his cock still twitching inside her, fingers still draped lazily over her clit which throbbed with the pulse of her heart. Ben realized that his hands were free, then, and brought them up to grip her hip bones lightly, massaging the muscles there.

“You’re so beautiful,” he told her in a near-whisper, and she smiled at him and closed her eyes a little shyly.

“You are, too,” she replied, glancing back at him sidelong, and he sat upright then to kiss her, arms wrapping around her to pull their torsos in close.

“That was different,” he murmured after their lips parted, ghost of a grin on his face. She looked back at him slyly.

“It was. I’ve never seen you be so powerful, or so powerless, before.”

“I could say the same about you.”

“It was exhilarating,” she breathed.

“It was,” he agreed. For a moment they embraced, but eventually his cock softened and he shifted. Io slipped off of him gently, and then off the bed entirely.

“Come shower with me,” she said to him, and Ben smiled and followed her to the little bathroom alcove. The drum of the water was soothing in his ears, and they took turns under it, gently washing one another with soap from the dispenser in the wall.

“How’s your mom?” Io asked him eventually, standing close as the water fell on his back, their arms around one another. Ben looked at the drain beneath their feet.

“Stressed,” he replied softly. “Exhausted.”

“I think we all are,” she said gently.

“She misses Dad.” At this, she simply nodded. “I wish he’d come stay here with her, but he’s not going to.”

“You’re allowed to miss him, too,” she reminded him. Ben’s jaw tightened.

“I can’t. I haven’t been able to for a long time.” **_To protect yourself._**

“Ah,” Io replied. “I understand.”

“Do you?” Ben asked her a little icily. For some reason, the idea of anyone sharing the pain that had isolated him for so long struck a nerve.

“Yes.” She looked into his eyes, then, and something sharp had crept into her look. “Have you ever met or so much as _seen_ either of my parents?”

Ben felt like an ass, a little, at that moment. **_Do you even know anything about her past, really?_**

“I’m sorry,” he said, edge dropping out of his voice.

“It’s alright,” she assured him. She looked away, eyes roving over the solid muscle of his chest and clavicle, fingers following her gaze ever so softly. “I don’t go into details much, I know.”

“You don’t,” he agreed. “Sometimes I wish you would. But you don’t have to.”

Her eyes returned to his, then, and seemed doubtful. “I don’t know if you want to know everything about me.”

“Of course I do,” he said earnestly. It didn’t bother him much that he didn’t already know. The two had known each other for so long, had been dealing with so much together from the start of their training, that it had never occurred to him to press her for details. So many of his best memories had been made with her already. She was looking at him with that dubious expression, for once not a look that doubted him but rather than doubted herself. He’d always sort of known that she had that little shred of insecurity somewhere within her, but it so rarely made itself apparent. Her armor was calm, focused, disciplined, graceful. He envied that at times, particularly since he’d overheard his mother and uncle discussing his own struggle to control his anger. The power he’d felt over Io just before, when she trembled willingly against his touch, was the most serene access to power he’d ever felt, he realized. All other times, it was the heat of his fury that propelled him.

“Alright,” she said, ever so softly, and one hand reached up to stroke his high cheek gently before the tips of her first three fingers settled against his temple. His brow knit, unsure of what she was doing, but before he could ask, he felt a strange sensation of his mind being tugged towards her.


	12. Chapter 12

_Ben saw sunlight streaming through the windows of an elegant room, inside an opulent house. A beautiful woman, whose face was like Iola’s but not, held the infant. Another woman entered the room, a servant. She took the child into her own arms, and the women exchanged some words, but he could not make them out. He felt nothing but panic as the child left her mother’s arms and began to cry as the she left the room, not looking back. The servant cooed and hummed, trying to calm the baby down, sitting in a chair._

_But her singsong voice caught in her throat, and her face fell as she tried to suck in a breath only to realize that she couldn’t breathe. She began to choke, sputtering, clutching the baby closer to her breast as if to protect her from whatever was causing her to fight for breath. She turned red, and then blue, and began to shudder and struggle._

_After a moment, she collapsed back against the chair, the child still wailing in her arms. Another servant entered the room, and began to scream and call for her mistress. The mother returned, full of shock and confusion, and took her baby out of the corpse’s arms. As she did so, the child began to burble and squeal happily._

_*_

_Then, he saw a man sitting at a desk, looking at two different datapads, a viewscreen map on the wall behind him. His face was stern, his brow dark and familiar somehow. In front of him stood a young girl, maybe seven years old, black hair tied behind her head, clothes dirty._

_“You’ll be leaving tomorrow,” he said to her, in a deep and cold voice. “You need not take anything with you. All of your needs will be taken care of there.”_

_“Why?” demanded the little girl, small but fierce._

_“Because if we cannot keep a single nursemaid or mentor for you,” the man replied firmly, “Then you must learn in another environment. Asphyxiation, a fatal fall, inexplicable health complications, a horse riding accident, a mugging? Found guilty of political treason, fatally wounded in a practice duel? I don’t know why this continues, Iola Tosche. But it will not do. You require your education, you require your discipline, you ancestors are a proud line of noble and distinguished warriors and military servants back almost a thousand years.”_

_The young girl who was Io kept her face stern and defiant, but her eyes began just barely to water._

_“You said you’d teach me,” she said finally, voice smaller than it had been before._

_“I cannot,” the man- presumably her father- replied, looking back down at his datapad. “We are at war, child. My duty is immutable.” She made no reply, expression unchanged. He looked back at her, and there was a trace of something in his gaze that hadn’t been there before. Was it fear?_

_“The old women say you are cursed,” he said finally. “Do you believe them?” Io was silent for a long moment, as if on the edge of responding, but before she could, a loud beeping began emitting from the viewscreen._

_“Damn!” her father swore, turning to look as red words began scrolling over the lines of the map, springing up from his chair. Almost as quickly, two guardsmen entered the room and flanked the girl._

_“We must go,” one said to her, and they began to shuffle her out. But Io did not resist, or shout, or protest in any way. She did give one long glance back through the open door of her father’s war room, but then the switch engaged and it shut automatically behind her._

_*_

_In a courtyard somewhere, surrounded on all sides by multi-storied buildings with narrow, tall windows, a girl who Ben knew to be Io and another student, a girl, dressed in the same dirty linens were circling one another, both poised with their quarterstaffs to strike and awaiting the right moment._

_Off to the right, a woman with long, gray hair tied behind her head stood in light leather armor bearing a golden insignia that Ben did not recognize. She watched the two like a hawk, as still as they were fluid in their motions. A dozen other girls, all wearing the same plain linens and bearing their own staffs, stood along the wall nearby._

_Suddenly the girl who was not Io sprang with a cry, and then the two were a flurry of striking and blocking, spinning and pushing back on one another as their weapons clacked. The other girl was all fury and forward motion, but Io was just as elegant and fluid in her motion as he already knew her to be. The flurry would pause, the air thick with tension, and resume quickly as Io’s opponent continued to press her. It was unlike blade or saber fighting, with either end of the staff useable for a strike and the strikes need not be flicked or sliced but firmly and powerfully swung or, more rarely, thrust. Any part of the opponent was fair game to strike, and the staff acted as both offensive and defensive weapon in a way that required less elaborate footwork than blades, and more sheer physical strength than a lightsaber._

_Io was masterful at redirecting her opponent’s energy and the weight of her attacks, and the other girl was impressively quick to recover her balance. But eventually she began to tire, and Io did not, and before Ben could see clearly what had happened, the girl was on the ground with her quarterstaff pressed hard against her neck by Io’s._

_“Enough,” commanded the older woman who was watching, in a voice like the singing of steel. “Iola is victorious. Next.”_

_As one girl shuffled off to the sidelines, breathing hard and frowning in defeat, another replaced her. Again, the two began to fight. This one was also aggressive, and it took Io even less time to pin this one, one foot on her solar plexus with one end of the quarterstaff against her neck._

_This continued along the entire line of students. Each one, Io forced to yield. She never wasted a step, never flourished unnecessarily. Opponents that were aggressive, she awaited with all the alertness and self-assurance of a venomous creature. Opponents that were careful, or who defaulted to defensiveness as she appeared to, she would instigate much more carefully than aggressively, and her attacks seemed designed to provoke them into anger or panic. When others tried to provoke her, she remained unmoved, and Ben could have sworn that these opponents she enraged by turning their tricks against them, shaming them in front of all the other students and their teacher as well. He watched her with mounting awe, and just a little bit of anxiety. Next to his own intense emotionality, her relentless poise was almost frightening. Did she have feelings at all? Was it anger that fuelled her, and if so, how was it so well hidden?_

_When the entire procession had been defeated, the instructor dismissed all the students but one. Approaching Io in the center of the field, she seemed tall and made of iron._

_“Well done,” she said, and Io bowed her head respectfully._

_“Captain,” she acknowledged, squaring her shoulders. They looked into one another’s eyes, and utterly without warning a quarterstaff flew off of its stand on the other side of the courtyard and into the Captain’s hand. Ben felt the shock coming off of Io as his own-- had she just used the Force?_

_The two began to duel instantly. Io’s shock was brief, collapsing into vigilant defense that was altogether less calm than every single fight prior. The Captain did not bear down with brute force, nor did she await Io’s strike, but instead seemed to gracefully dance between defending herself and issuing incredibly precise strikes. Finally, Io began to breathe hard, and her moves became more acrobatic to create distance between herself and her opponent, to no avail. Here was her match in placid ruthlessness, aided by years of expertise._

_One stumble, and Io barely reflected the Captain’s strike afterwards, and it began to look as though she might finally be bested. Desperately blocking a volley of attacks, finally the two crossed staves and locked against each other, and Io was too small despite her evident strength to hold long._

_Her teeth bared, Io strained, and then looked her Captain in the eye. “AI!” she cried then, and pushed with all her might against the woman’s staff._

_Ben felt it then, the pull of the Force. The Captain went flying backwards ten yards into the ground on her back, quarterstaff still clutched in both hands. As the cloud of dust cleared around her, she breathed in heavy and even, and looked at Io who was still brandishing her own staff in one hand, chest heaving._

_“Truly, you are your father’s daughter,” the gray-haired woman said. Io looked as though she’d been struck, frozen in place. “I want to see you in my office after mess.”_  
__  
  
*

  
Suddenly Ben was back in the warm shower, which was turning cool on his back, and Io’s hand was sliding down his cheek. She looked into his eyes resolutely, as if awaiting judgment. For a moment, he simply looked back at her, all he’d seen beginning to sink in. **_Fuck._**

“I think that’s enough,” she said finally. One hand reached behind him to turn off the spout of water. She turned away from him, sliding the door open and stepping out to pull a towel from the wall.

“Io,” Ben said after her, heart heavy. She did not turn to look back at him, so he followed her out of the alcove and pulled his own towel with him.

“My father and mother were both military commanders. Of all the sovereigns on Duro, Azatlan was the largest. It was an empire, really. But no matter which sovereign you were in, they all had one thing in common. On Duro we did not fight with machines, preferring the old ways. They were called more noble, more civilized. And maybe the publically advertized parts of them were.” She wrapped herself up in the towel, turning to look at him. “But other parts were just as brutal, or worse. They did not help us, though, when the Trade Federation came to rob us of our resources. We had done intergalactic trade for decades. We had stayed out of disputes, remained neutral in matters of interplanetary warfare. Our own planet was one of the only ones that was still rife with its own conflict, when most other planets were either unified under one government or unified under none at all.” She sat down on the bed as Ben dried himself off, listening to her intently.

“The Trade Federation? Wasn’t that in the time of our grandparents?” he asked.

“It was. They continued to train the children of nobles in the old ways of hand-to-hand combat, and only the poor died by the thousands manning ships and guns that were pitiful by comparison. By the time my parents were grown, they were inheriting a war that they were destined to lose, or so everyone said. That desperation bred ruthlessness, and endurance, and blind dedication to their cause. By the time I was sent to school, the war had reached its worst point. And I had barely seen either of my parents since birth. They would come, and then just as soon they would go, and for much longer.” She looked at the ground. “I didn’t realize much of what I did. But even after I realized it, I didn’t stop until I found another way to get their attention.”

Ben looked at her, his expression uncertain. “What was that?”

“Excelling in school. Excelling in combat. They praised me, though they still didn’t visit me. That was enough,” she explained. “Anything to feel their love.” Now, Ben could not help himself but to sit down beside her and take her hands in his own.

“By the time I was sent to the Jedi Academy, on the recommendation of Captain Banto of course, I fully did not expect to see them again. The war was wearing my entire planet down,” she continued. “Two months after I arrived at the academy, I was informed that they were both dead. A raid on their base of operations.”

“I’m sorry,” Ben said, his heart sinking even further.

“It’s alright. By then, I couldn’t afford to miss them.” Her voice was horribly flat and distant. She looked back up at him again, and met his gaze. They said nothing for a long, long moment. Ben brushed her cheek with one hand, and she held it against her face for a moment, closing her eyes.

“Do you think I’m cursed?” she asked him. He knew she was referring to exactly what her father had asked her about, all those years ago. He knew that it was no light thing, that she had learned to take life with the Force just by reacting emotionally, and that this had been her first lesson. As she became more aware, the inflictions upon every surrogate for her parents had gotten less deadly, of course. He knew she was remorseful. But if he had said that he didn’t feel a pang of worry, thinking of all the little ways she had used the Force as a means to her ends- or his- even in the time they’d known each other, he would have been lying. **_She’s just as dangerous as you are, but nobody seems to know that. Except you._**

“No more than I am,” he sighed. Despite it all, he knew how sweet her heart really was, much better than anyone else knew. And ultimately he believed that this would win out in the end. “We inherited something that makes everything different for us. We just have to work on it.” He learned forward to kiss her forehead gently, and she rested her head on his shoulder as he held her.

**_It seems like the two of you have a lot more in common than you thought._ **


	13. Chapter 13

Ben awoke on the morning of his seventeenth birthday in the pre-dawn hours. He was groggy, and strange noises had awakened him. As he rubbed his eyes, he strained to make heads or tails of the sounds.

Distant thunder? But it was louder than thunder, and there was far too much of it. But there was some other sound, also distant, like the howling of wind, a huge high-pitched whine.

“Ben!” shrieked a voice, and Io was throwing the curtain that covered the doorway of his room in the Jedi temple wide open. “We have to go! Now!”

“What?” Ben asked, but then another huge roar of what he had thought was thunder struck—this time, it was extremely loud and incredibly close. The temple seemed to shake, and on the heels of the deafening _kaboom_ came that high-pitched, screaming drone. Then, the sounds of actual screams reached his ears. **_You’re under attack._**

“NOW, BEN!” Io shouted, and he sprang up and grabbed his light saber from its place on his bedside table as he scrambled after her. She took off down the hall at breakneck pace, towards the jungle side of the temple.

“Everyone _out_!!” Ben hollered down the hall as loud as he could, as other students came skittering out of their rooms, shouting in terror. He followed Io, and they followed him down the north stairwell and through an exit that opened almost directly into the jungle.

“Follow me!” Io shouted back at them, and took off through the forest. There was the barest suggestion of a trail, but in the darkness it was extremely difficult to see. The high-pitched droning sound kept zooming past overhead, growing louder before it rang in the ears and then fading into the distance. An explosion of light, and behind them a second part of the top of the temple shattered into pieces, the crack only barely muffled by the dense undergrowth of the jungle.

**_She’s making for the cave, where the shuttles are hidden. But what if Luke isn’t there?_** Io pushed through the tangle of the forest ahead of him, and called out to those behind her to keep going even as more explosions struck the temple and the forest around it. But the onslaught of the attackers was dwindling, and getting farther away as they ran on.

“Have you seen my uncle?” Ben asked her as she stopped to jump over the enormous protruding root of a tree.

“No,” she replied. “I hope he’s going to the same place that we are.” Ben made no reply, but plodded onward behind her until he thought his lungs might give out.

Just as he was beginning to gasp, they stumbled out of the treeline and were face to face with the massive, empty mouth of the cave. Io did not stop.

“Come on!” she called behind her. “Quick as you can! This is it!” Ben stopped to hurry along the other students who were crashing one at a time into the clearing, ushering them all along and following behind them. As they neared the mouth of the cave, they heard the approaching drone of what he finally realized could only have been an Imperial tie fighter. **_So they did find you. That means it’s over now._**

“BEN!” shrieked Io, and for the first time shrill terror colored her voice. Suddenly light and sound was all around him in a huge flash, and he was being thrown towards the mouth of the cave by an explosion. He hit the ground on his shoulder and would have screamed, but the breath was knocked out of him. Before he knew it, arms were pulling him upright.

“To the shuttles!” Luke’s voice called out, and Ben realized it was his uncle who was helping him to safety. He hobbled along as Io ran up beside them to offer her arm. Together the three of them made their way to the first of three shuttles that were in the cargo bay. There were 12 students at the Academy, which Ben knew would push each shuttle’s carrying capacity to its limit. Zox ran into the shuttle beside theirs, calling out in his own strange language.

“Zox can fly that ship,” Luke confirmed. “Io, get inside this one and fire it up. And take care of Ben.”

“I’m okay!” Ben insisted, but already she was tugging him up the ramp and directly into the cockpit of the shuttle. She immediately began the initiation sequence, flipping every sequencer switch and turning all the parts of the engine on in their proper order. **_You should sit down._**

“Is your shoulder okay?” she asked, turning to look at him once the lights had come on and the ship had begun to hum. He realized he’d thudded rather heavily into one of the seats.

“It might be dislocated,” he confessed, and indeed it looked to be at a highly improper angle.

“Strap in tight for the jump,” she ordered. “Then lean back against the seat.” Not even taking the time to wonder what she was doing, he found himself pulling the belt over his body with his working arm and then pressing his back into the seat. Io reached over to touch his hunched shoulder, and he let out a sharp growl of pain.

“You’re right. It’s dislocated,” she affirmed. “Hang onto your arm rests.” Ben had only just begun to put two and two together as he followed this next direction.

“Wait, are you--?” But before he could ask, she had braced him by the shoulder against the seat and given a profound, sudden push to his arm. Searing pain ripped through him, and Ben howled. **_WOW, THANK YOU FOR THE WARNING, I SUPPOSE!_**

“I’m sorry,” she said to him sincerely. “But better to reset it _before_ we jump to hyperspace.” He just looked back at her with his jaw clenched, and nodded.

“Is Ben okay?” Luke asked as he climbed up into the shuttle, brow knit after hearing a yelp of pain coming from inside the shuttle.

“His shoulder was dislocated,” Io explained. “The engine is prepped, Master Luke.”

“It’s not dislocated anymore?” Luke asked, and Ben, who was gripping the shoulder that was in pain with his opposite hand, grimaced up at his uncle, shaking his head. The old Jedi looked mildly impressed. “Okay. When I give the order, strap in.” He swept over to the pilot’s seat and began entering coordinates. Io immediately claimed the seat next to Ben, reaching over to rub the forearm of his injured shoulder gently. It didn’t help the actual pain much, but it did distract him a lot. His face turned bright red. **_Do you really think she likes you? I mean I know you two are friends, but…_**

“Are we waiting for any other students?” Io asked.

“No more are coming,” Luke replied gravely. Ben and Io looked at each other, trying to remember who had been on their hall and who hadn’t. **_How many are left?_**

Now, an actual thunderstorm appeared to be sweeping over the jungle. Lightning cracked close by, real lightning this time, and the cave seemed to shudder with the thunder that followed it. The drone of the tie fighters had vanished.

“Buckle up!” Luke shouted, and then the engines roared as the ship began to lift off of the cave floor. “And watch for those fighters!” Lurching forward into the jungle, rain immediately began to beat down relentlessly on the shuttle as they exited their hiding place. Almost immediately, Io’s eyes grew wide.

“They’re coming!” she said, and sure enough the drone of a tie fighter approached all too rapidly. She and Ben both turned to look out the window behind their heads, and could just barely make it out through the torrent of rain. “Those bastards!” Ben swore, and the tug of his sudden fury was palpable. **_They murdered kids. But I’m sure they don’t care. They’re monsters. You can’t let them take you and Io and Luke, too._** He suddenly shut his eyes, falling deep into the sound of approaching doom, straight to its source.

As if time had stopped, Io realized exactly what Ben was about to try and do. She also realized that it would profoundly upset Master Luke, and that she wanted him to do it anyway. So, instead of placating his anger as she had managed to do before more than once, she let her own blossom up. For the first time in years, she felt the dam of her hatred for the Empire, its influence on the Trade Federation and the ravages of that entity upon her entire home planet, upon her own life, break. She poured that white-hot pain into Ben’s already seething cauldron, and looked out at the encroaching tie fighter. She could almost feel its cannon preparing to fire.

Suddenly, one wing of the fighter seemed to collapse, as if crumpled by the invisible fist of a colossus. Then, the other followed it, and then the cockpit of the fighter caved in, and flames and fumes of smoke erupted from its engine and it dropped out of the sky like a stone. The drone burbled and then cut off entirely, the immense sound of it crashing into the jungle almost like music to the two furious, desperate young Jedi apprentices. Io felt her anger draw back into its deep, buried place almost as quickly as it had emerged. She looked at Ben, knowing he was still full of his rage, and her expression was one of cold victory. He met her gaze, and for half an instant, they knew as though their minds, their intentions, had been merged. **_That is what real power feels like. The real, raw power of the Force._**

“What the _hell_ just happened?” Luke shouted, but he likely didn’t expect an answer as he was engaging the hyperdrive. The entire shuttle jerked forward, and every pinprick of light past the advancing limit of the planet’s atmosphere flew past at once and forever.

For just a moment, the three of them were silent, holding their breath. When they realized they were in the silent tunnel of hyperspace and there was no pursuit, the cabin was filled with huge, slow sighs of relief.

“Where are we going?” Ben asked.

“As far away as possible, until I hear back from someone.” Luke replied.

“I wonder how they found us,” Io mused.

“I wonder that, too,” Luke said, rubbing his forehead. “But it doesn’t matter. This is the end of the Jedi Academy. I sent the other shuttles in two different directions from us. We’re all targets, now.”

**_They will never stop hunting you._ **

“How long do we have to run?” Ben’s voice was quieter now. He looked at his uncle anxiously.

“As long as there is someone chasing us.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, smut happens! at the end.

Even at night on Dantooine, there was a dull heat and pervasive humidity that clotted in the lungs. It was generally tolerable, if unpleasant, but when Ben went out for his nightly exercises it was profoundly uncomfortable. As he’d slowly begun to understand his relationship with the Force, it had become clear that a certain level of duress actually served to motivate him, and provided a focal point for him to channel his energy through. Mastery of the particular act of channeling it towards his intent, versus funneling it into his frustration or pain, had become the crux of his studies since arriving at Base 1. Stumbling in on Luke and Leia’s conversation about his control, or lack thereof, had motivated him to seek his own means of accessing the omnipresent hum of the Force.

As Ben stood wobbling on one leg seeking the kernel of his discomfort, beads of sweat and humidity condensed on his muscular torso. He remembered this pose annoying the absolute hell out of him back in his preteen years on Coruscant, and later on Yavin 4 during training. He knew balance was one of the simplest tasks one could use to tap into the Force, but the old ways taught it as a means of seeking serenity. If one was fully at ease, foot rooted to the ground trusting the material below it to hold one up, each muscle in union… it always made him feel shameful, that he had never once found that calm.

Until he’d realized that the very frustration that he felt could also let the Force move through him, and all he had to do was separate this emotion from the thoughts that caused him shame. Thoughts would remain directed towards the goal, separated from his emotional state. It was easier said than done, and the voices made it that much harder.

**_You are never going to get this right, you know._ **

He kept he gaze evenly on a small perimeter post jutting out of the ground some fifty feet away. It was just a stave of rusty metal, with blinking red light emitting from its uppermost portion, sending reports of what passed through it back to the control room. Around him the constant low sounds of the jungle faded into the background of his perception, the strange calls of birds and insects merely a backdrop for the even, laborious pace of his own breath in the dank air. There was a moon out, casting its pallor over the strip of cut lawn between his bunker and the perimeter post.

**_Or maybe, you’re not supposed to get it right. Maybe getting it wrong is the whole point._ **

There it was.

Suddenly Ben catapulted upwards, jumping and then jumping again as though he’d landed a foot on some invisible platform. He spun to land perfectly on his feet, immediately leaving the ground again to fold backward and land on his hands. Flipping back once again to his feet, his light saber emerged and its crackling energy seemed to cleave the air. It began to spin around him in his beautifully memorized attack patterns, whooshing through the air and casting its own faint blue glow on his figure as he jumped and spun. He was moving through the standard offensive actions of the Fourth Form, full of agile leaps and delicate movements that required a deep level of focus for him as it was far from his instinctive manner of combat.

Finally he stuck one last landing and became still. He was still brandishing the saber in front of him, chest heaving. But someone else had arrived.

“Looking good,” came Luke Skywalker’s voice from behind him. Ben turned to see his uncle leaning back against the wall of the bunker with a smile on his face. He seemed genuinely pleased, with none of his trademark sarcasm. Ben deactivated his lightsaber.

“Thanks,” he said, a little half-smile creeping onto his face. It felt good every time his teacher saw him excel, even if there was also a part of him that was indignant and even petulant in its unwillingness to seek out his approval. “Have you been here the whole time?”

“I was walking the perimeter and I saw your saber ahead,” Luke explained. “I think Master Yoda would have been impressed with you, just now. As you know, he was a brilliant master of Ataru.”

Ben beamed. “You think?”

“Did you meditate before you started?”

“Yeah, I was trying to balance.”

“Oh, your favorite,” Luke laughed. It was good-natured, honoring Ben’s frustration with himself rather than mocking it.

“Yeah. Actually, I think I’m starting to get it,” Ben said. He had been nervous to bring up his method of channeling the Force to Luke, since it flew in the face of the old ways. **_Are you going to lie to him? Don’t you think he’s going to handle it poorly?_**

“Really?” Luke asked, and his tone was tempered by practiced, sagely skepticism but that did not hide a glimmer of interest and hope. “Tell me about it.”

Ben chewed his bottom lip for a moment, indecisive. **_You CAN lie, you know._** He felt a twinge in his chest as the voices urged him to hide. But his heart wasn’t in it.

“Well,” he began haltingly, “I’ve realized… that if I separate my frustration from my intention, I can use my feelings to channel the Force. So… as long as I focus my thoughts on my goal… the frustration I feel when I can’t balance worth a damn actually lets me use the Force to do what I’m trying to do. Rather than blow something up, because I’m angry.” He looked at his master, almost dreading his reaction.

For a moment, Luke was unreadable. Ben could nearly see the gears turning in his head even as he remained expressionless. **_You are really in for it now, Solo._** Finally, Luke’s eyes squinted slightly at his student.

“Is it difficult?” he asked, much more curious than doubtful. Ben sucked in the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

“Um,” he said. “Well… sometimes? Honestly, not as hard as I thought. It works a lot better than trying to force myself to calm down.” Luke nodded slowly, thoughtfully.

“That… that’s wise, Ben. I mean,” and here he cast a pointed look, “When it fails, I fear it would fail spectacularly. But you’re right. I’ve seen you lose even more control when you try to suppress your emotions.” Now the old Jedi was stroking his beard. “Finding serenity feels nearly impossible for most of us, most of the time, to be honest. But you seemed more serene-- more confident in your focus-- just now than I’ve ever seen you. Maybe you’re just finding it differently than the old ways taught.”

For a moment, Ben was speechless. Even the voices in his head were startled almost quiet, save a tiny one. **_Did he just call you wise?_**

“Thank you,” he stammered finally. “I… didn’t expect you to approve.”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong,” Luke said, waving a hand. “The Jedi Council would’ve _hated_ it.” He chuckled. Ben found himself chuckling too, and there was a warm light in his chest for the first time since he’d overheard his teacher’s concerns about his control. “But, this isn’t about them. Or resurrecting them, or their old ways. This is about something new,” Luke said, and his smile was strange and thoughtful.

“Hey, you two!” called a familiar voice from the trees, and Ben turned around to see his father walking towards them. He was a little shocked that he hadn’t felt that tug of the Force that he used to feel when his father was nearby, much less in shouting distance. Luke seemed unsurprised.

“Hey Han,” the Jedi called. “Nice to finally see your face around here.”

“Yeah, sorry,” the smuggler replied gruffly. “I had a delivery to make, didn’t go so smoothly.”

“Shocking to none,” Luke replied wryly.

“Hi Dad,” Ben said. Suddenly he was full of mixed feelings, which had started to become the way he always felt when he saw his father. Of course, some part of him was happy. Another part was resentful, another confused, yet another almost suspicious. **_How did he surprise you like that? Aren’t you usually connected to him? Is it really him, if you didn’t feel him? Or are you just that cut off from your own father?_** He swallowed hard.

“Hey Ben,” Han replied, his tired one-sided smile turned towards his son. “Good to see you. Hell, I’m so glad you’re here.” For the first time in years, he put his arms around Ben in a hug. The assassination attempt-- or abduction attempt? whichever it had been-- must have really rattled him. Ben returned the hug less vigorously, even more baffled by his own lack of response to this unusual show of emotion from his father.

“Yeah, me too,” he replied softly. “Uh, how long are you here for?”

“As long as you need me for.” Han pulled away and clapped a hand on Ben’s shoulder, looking between him and Luke. “All my jobs are on hold until further notice.” Luke looked impressed.

“Oh yeah? Generous of you, I believe the last time someone made you an offer to fight a Rebellion it almost didn’t stick,” he teased his old friend.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Han replied, annoyed. “I had different priorities, then.”

**_Funny, they didn’t seem very different until now._ **

“Alright, scoundrel,” Luke relented. “Come inside and eat something. Ben, is Io awake?”

“Probably,” Ben replied, feeling like he was on autopilot. The question had surprised him, but by now he was so confounded that he wasn’t even trying to sort it out anymore.

“Oh yeah, I guess it’s high time I met her, huh?” Han tried valiantly to show less fatherly consternation than he felt, wagging a brow at Ben. Luke was barely hiding a slightly impish grin, because he knew that Han’s discomfort was really about his own ability to be a welcoming father to his son’s partner. In all this time, he had never gotten around to meeting Iola, not even during Ben’s time at the Academy, before the two had figured it out.

“Well, she is also my other pupil at the moment, so I would want you to meet her anyway,” the Jedi said, smiling at Ben. **_Guess he wasn’t trying to embarrass you, more like he was trying to embarrass your father. Okay, admit it, that’s kind of funny._** The voice was more sardonic than Ben really wanted to feel.

“I’ll go see if she wants to come down,” Ben offered, using it as an excuse to take off ahead of the two older men. After so many emotions hitting him at once, now he felt strangely flat.

~

When he entered Io’s room, she was draped in a towel and rubbing another one madly over the damp fluff of her hair. “Hey,” he said to her, and she peeked out from under the towel on her head to smile at him.

“What’s up?” she asked.

“My dad is here,” Ben replied. At this her brow grew puzzled, and she pulled the towel off her head and dropped it onto her bed.

“Really?” she asked. Then her eyes narrowed playfully at him. “Wait, do you want me to meet him?”

“Actually Uncle Luke wants to introduce you two, but you know. Figured it would happen one way or another,” he replied with a smirk. In response, she pulled off her other towel and threw it at him. He caught it, laughing, and looked at her. For a moment, nothing else existed but the beautiful, muscled curves of her form, the curve of her lips, and the twinkle in her black eyes as they roved over his torso, still glistening from the outdoors.

“Mmm,” she said, biting her bottom lip. “Well. I guess, if Master Luke wants me to, I should.” But she was walking closer to him, fully aware of his hungry gaze, exploiting it.

“You could meet him tomorrow. I could tell him you’re asleep,” Ben purred as she stepped right up to him, running a hand over his chest. It left a burning trail behind it, and he felt his cock begin to protest its confinement.

“You need to shower anyway,” she reminded him in a low, husky voice. “We could just make this one… quick.” She pulled her hand off of him, and brought it to her mouth to lick the sweat off of it. He shuddered, backing up slowly towards the com board next to Io’s door. She kept pace with him, right up against him, her hands latching onto his trousers as he leaned back on the wall. Slamming a button on the com board, his eyes never left hers as she slowly began to take one knee, then the other, and worked at the fastening of his pants.

“Uncle Luke?” he asked. The static buzzed for a second.

“Yeah Ben?” Luke’s voice was fuzzy through the communicator.

“Let me shower off, then we’ll be down.”

“Alright, sounds good. We’ll be in the galley.” Ben did not bother to reply as he hit the button again to turn off the microphone just before he let out a guttural groan. His cock was already rock hard, and just at that moment Io’s mouth sunk down onto it. He let her draw languid curls of pleasure out of him for a moment, before taking her by the chin and hauling her upright.

“Quick,” he reminded her in a harsh growl, and then turned her around to push her breasts up against the wall. She let out a delighted sound as he pulled her hips away from the wall a bit, and one of his fingers found her cunt, which was already hot and slick with her arousal. Moaning softly, Io turned her head to the side to watch him from the corner of her vision, and arched her back a little more. But Ben needed no more encouragement to sink his cock into her to the hilt, covering her mouth just as she let out a yelp. He began to fuck her mercilessly, one hand on her hip to steady her as she let out a stream of curses and pleasured noises into his hand.

“You love this, don’t you?” Ben growled. “When I take control of you? Fuck you into submission?” His exhilaration was driving him, energy coursing through him and between the two of them crackling under his skin. Io was in rapture as he drove through her first orgasm and into the next one, slipping his hand down between her thighs to press rhythmically up against her clit. A ragged, guttural howl erupted from her, still muffled by his hand, but she turned around just enough to look him directly in the eye as he felt the muscles of her pelvic wall clench so profoundly onto his cock that he came almost immediately.

“Fuck,” he hissed, hands wrapping around Io’s body to pull her back against him as they both caught their breath for a moment. One of her hands trailed up to the side of his face, tangling in his messy, sweaty hair. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

She grinned, and scampered away from him. “Quick, remember?” she asked coyly, grabbing her towels and disappearing into the bathroom to turn the shower water on. Ben laughed and followed her, shaking his head. Much as he loved to feel the power he had over her when they fucked, he never really wanted her to stop fighting him for it. He entered the bathroom and smirked at her.

“You ready to meet Han Solo?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks everyone, for the kudos and readership so far! this thing was supposed to be shorter but it's kept on writing itself lol. and there's a sequel in the works... but you didn't hear that from me...


	15. Chapter 15

In the galley on Base 1, Han, Luke, and Leia were all laughing.

“Oh man you should’ve seen his face,” Luke said to his sister. “I really wanted to apologize to Ben, because I didn’t know if he would think Han was mad at him or not.”

“You asshole,” Han accused through his chuckling. “You will never miss a chance to get one over on me. I hope you have one just like you, one day.”

“Ah, you know Luke’s never gonna have kids, he’s too busy trying to train Jedi,” Leia rolled her eyes and took a sip of the hot tea she’d brewed. “But he makes a good uncle, at least. Luke, play nice when they get here, if you please. Even if our progeny is used to it, there’s no need to embarrass his partner.”

“If she can roll with the punches, we’ll know she belongs in this family,” Han remarked with a grin.

“Who does?” came a voice, and Ben and Io walked into the galley wearing clean clothes and both with ever so slightly damp hair, skin aglow. Leia cast a sidelong smirk at her husband, who nearly spat out the tea he’d just tried to sip. Luke cheerfully waved the two in.

“Isn’t it obvious?” he asked them, smiling at Io. The young woman seemed as calm as ever, though her bearing was more upright and noble than usual. Old, deeply engrained lessons from military school die hard. Leia smiled at Ben and gestured towards his father, who had recovered from his surprise and was looking at the two with his best dad-face.

“Dad, this is Iola Tosche,” Ben said to his father, and he was relieved that some of the strange mechanical feeling he had been enduring before had ebbed. He was actually a little nervous. **_He better be nice._**

“Iola,” Han said with a nod to her. “It’s nice to meet you, I’ve heard so much about you.” He offered his hand.

“Please don’t tell me what you heard, I like to pretend nobody talks about me when I’m not there,” Io laughed, giving his hand with a strong, brief shake. It was militaristic, wholly lacking in political flourish or self-consciousness.

“Don’t worry, it was all great, to be honest,” Han replied with a smile. “Luke says you’re a star pupil.”

“It’s the one thing I was raised to be good at, being a pupil.”

“Where are you from?”

“Duro.”

“Oh,” Han replied, and Ben was a little surprised that he saw recognition on his father’s face. “How long since you’ve been back?”

“Many years,” Io replied. “Is it as bad as they said it would be?” Han sighed a little, clearly relieved that she was unflustered.

“Worse, maybe. Sorry to say it.”

“It’s alright. If I’m honest, I expected no less.” Io took a seat at the table across from Han, and Ben followed suit. Luke wandered from the counter he had been leaning on to sit at the other side, and Leia brought fresh cups of tea over to the newcomers. “It hasn’t been my home for some time.”

“Well, you’re always welcome here,” Leia said to Io in her rare motherly way. Io only smiled in return.

~~~~~

They talked into the night. Leia retired first, though everyone present knew she was headed not to bed but to the control room to mull over her duties. Luke was to be the next. As he rose from the table, he put a hand on Ben’s shoulder.

“You did well today, in your training. I’m proud of you,” he said. Ben’s smile was small, but his eyes were full of appreciation. **_The learner may have surpassed the master, this time around._**

“Oh? I didn’t hear about it,” Io said, perking up. “What happened?”

“I uh, I found a new way to tap into the Force. A way that works better for me. It’s gonna take practice, but then, anything does.” Ben’s explanation was intentionally vague, though he of course wanted to share everything with Io.

“Oh, well, that’s good. Right?” Han asked, his trademark discomfort with his son’s chosen path surfacing. But he was trying.

“I think so,” Luke confirmed, nodding. “Anyway, I’m off to bed. Night, you three.” He shuffled off out of the galley doors. Io looked at Ben.

“That sounds like progress to me,” she said, beaming. “Sorry I missed it.”

“That’s okay,” Ben assured her. “We can get into it later.”

“Would I, um,” Han began rather nervously. “Would I be welcome to come watch you two during training, sometime?” Ben looked at his father, wondering if he could be more surprised. **_He really is trying, isn’t he?_**

“Sure!” Io replied cheerfully. “That’d be alright. Right, Ben?”

“Well… yeah, I mean, why not?” Ben replied slowly. **_He’s going to see something he doesn’t like, you know._** “If that’s really what you want to do.”

“Yeah,” Han Solo nodded, as if trying to convince himself. “I do. I want to know what my son does with his time.” His expression was somewhere between determined father and anxious puppy, the eternal struggle he felt regarding Ben’s training was now up against a desire to be a supportive father that far surpassed his actual preparedness to be one. Ben met his father’s gaze, and even with all his doubts and concerns, he felt a glimmer of hope. It was a little late, maybe. But it was the most fatherly thing Han had ever tried to do.

“Alright. You can come tomorrow, if you want. That alright with you, Io?”

“Yeah,” she agreed with him. “Though, if we’re starting at standard time, we should definitely go to bed.”

“Right,” Han said, standing up from his chair. The other two followed suit. “Well, I hope you sleep well, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay, Dad,” Ben replied. For a moment, the two resembled each other with their slightly knit brows and the poorly concealed soup of emotions brewing inside each of them. He and Io turned towards the door.

“Goodnight, Mr. Solo,” Io said, looking back. Han snorted.

“Please, call me Han, I beg you,” he chuckled.

“Goodnight, Han,” Io corrected herself with a smile. The old smuggler waved as they exited the galley towards their bunker, and sighed.


	16. Chapter 16

Beginning the initial round of sparring with Io- of course, now that there were only two students left, Ben found himself in playful competition with his lover- Han’s face was only slightly drawn. His brow was creased, but that was hardly unusual. He watched from the sidelines as his son and Io, the noble daughter of a doomed military family whose discipline was profound, dueled. They fought with sabers, of course, which put his teeth on edge. Couldn’t they have been training against a droid, that day?

He had assumed at the start that Ben would be beaten by Io’s razor focus every time, and maybe that was unfair but it followed on the concerns that Leia had about his control. But the dance between the two of them was mesmerizing even to someone who knew exactly nothing about blade-to-blade combat. They began with drills that seemed routine, and Luke would comment on form and timing and just when and where to use the Force. The two were very evenly matched.

Then, the tug of war began. Sometimes Ben would start losing focus, so he would try something new, break the routine. Han could tell when the routine was being broken by the look on Luke’s face. It grew more concerned, even more watchful, but curious at the same time. Io responded quickly, and it was clear that she was strong with the Force by her graceful adaptations that often relied on it. The first and second halts were her victory in response to one of these experiments.

Then, when Ben was more focused, Io stepped out of the routine and tried something new. At first Ben reacted quickly, in good form. But when Io began to get the upper hand, her changes building on one another, something in the set of his face changed. His brow grew dark, and the air around him grew heavy. As he grew frustrated, he started to react more and more quickly, powerfully. The third halt, he managed to break Io’s focus with his increasingly less predictable responses to her attacks.

“That was excellent, both of you. Ben, don’t forget to take a breath and channel your purpose,” Luke said. “We’ll go one more round.” His students had locked eyes, and for all the world seemed like they saw no one else nor heard their master’s direction. The duel began slowly, with Io pacing her reactions and Ben building his own within him.

Suddenly they were a flurry of blades, and moving well outside the space they had been restricting themselves to. Han watched and felt his heart pounding in his ears as they danced up the wall, kicking off back down onto a boulder, then Io was in a lower-hanging tree limb. But Ben wasn’t foolish, he knew she had the high ground, and instead of lunging for her he made for the limb itself to sever it. Io launched from her perch as it fell, and Ben followed her ruthlessly.

“That’s enough!” called Luke, but once again they didn’t respond to him and carried on fighting. Io had the upper hand, then Ben, then back again. It was terrifying to watch them, and a few moments later Luke and Han were both whooping and shouting.

“You two! Knock it off!” the smuggler yelled. Then, he wheeled back over to the older Jedi. “Can’t you do something about this? Chuck a rock at them with the Force, or something??”

“I’m not sure I can break them up without causing harm to one or both of them,” Luke responded, his eyes never leaving the pair as they dodged around the clearing. He’d done it before, tripped up one of the students (usually Ben) when the focus got lost in the fight. That was before these two were one another’s only sparring partners, and each of them had grown so powerful with the Force that, had Luke been honest, he thought both of them could have eclipsed him already.

“They’re gonna do plenty of harm to each other if you don’t!” Han retorted, beginning to feel the edge of panic. He gave over to calling out to them again, but now they were up in one of the massive trees, sending limbs crashing to the ground in pursuit of each other. Suddenly Io dropped, and Ben followed her, and they scuffled on the ground.

“STOP!” Luke bellowed, and the limbs that were nearby all flew back into the tangle of the forest. But the pair had already stopped, Ben towering over Io with his blade at her neck while Io’s was twisted up by his groin. They were staring at each other, eyes wide, breathing hard. Their master rushed up to them.

“Enough. We’re finished, today. Until the two of you can bloody listen to your teacher, instead of your hormones!” Two light sabers shut off, their ceased humming leaving the air conspicuously quiet after the fleeing cries of nearby creatures disturbed by the fight faded. Ben’s eyes cut over to Luke, glowering.

“I was doing exactly what we talked about!” he protested angrily. “Just because I finally have a worthy opponent--”

“Who is your best friend, your partner, and the only other student left of the Jedi Academy!”

“I would _never_ have hurt her,” Ben spat. **_They don’t trust you._**

“What if she hurt you? What if anything bad that happened was just an accident?” Han interjected as he approached. “Can you promise me that wouldn’t have happened?”

“Being a Jedi isn’t a low-risk occupation,” Io piped up as she stood, though her voice was a great deal less angry than all the others around her. “Neither is being a Senator, a military general, _or_ a smuggler.”

“I can still be concerned for the welfare of my son,” Han defended. “Whether he’s hurt or he has to hurt or murder someone else, on purpose or worse by accident, and live with that guilt.”

“I _will_ have to hurt someone else eventually, and I intend it to be one of these First Order bastards,” Ben said. “You never trusted me, did you? That I could learn to control my own emotions?”

“It’s not that simple, Ben,” Luke said. “Trying to control your emotions almost always begins with mistakes. Terrible ones, sometimes.” Han glanced at Luke, remembering their past and what his early mistakes had cost him. “The path to doing so without collateral damage, without fooling yourself that you can limit your feelings, and how to feel them fully and still channel them properly… it’s not an easy path to even find, much less stay on.”

Io glanced at Ben, whose jaw was tight and whose anger and pain was clearly roused as he stared at his father. She looked back at Luke, brow knit in concern.

“You have to let me find it,” Ben replied. **_It’s your path. They will never be able to show you how to walk it._** “You have to trust me, but you never could. Nobody ever could.”

“Ben--” Han started, but his son cut him off.

“No. That’s it. I get it. I’m dangerous! I’m the concern here, nevermind the fucking Imperial sympathizers amassing their power, waiting to strike!” **_How will you ever be ready for them?_**

“Your _life_ is the concern!” Han barked.

“Leave me alone!” Ben shouted at him furiously. “It’s what you’re good at!” With that, he stalked off. Han Solo was so shocked that he stood deadly still, staring into the space where his son had been standing. In that moment, Ben’s childhood blinked before him in flashes. An infant, already sprouting curls of black hair, cradled against his chest asleep after waking in the night and crying. A tiny boy, following him around the house or around the _Falcon_ , asking him the name of every single object he saw with his gold dice in one hand. At five he already wanted to learn how to fly like his father. At ten, showing his dad his most recent droid repairs, awaiting his praise.

“Han,” said Luke softly. “Are you aright?”

“I make things worse, don’t I?” the smuggler asked in response. “When I’m here, his emotions are even harder for him to deal with.” He looked at Io. “I’m right, aren’t I?” he asked her intently. She met his gaze, a sad look falling over her face, and said nothing. She didn’t need to. Luke shook his head.

“I should go,” Han said finally. “This isn’t the time for me to upset him more. We need you two. We need Luke. But me? I can’t do anything here. I should go to Bespin and talk to Lando, maybe I can talk him into sending reinforcements and supplies, break his isolationist bullshit.” He shifted uneasily, then reached out a hand to rest it on the young woman’s shoulder. “You’re good for him, Io. You stay with him. You stay with my son.” He met her gaze, fierce in his despair. “He needs you.”

“He needs you, too,” she replied softly, but Han shook his head.

“Nobody needs me.” With that, he turned to walk away in the opposite direction Ben had gone, away from the complex and towards the shipyard where the _Millennium Falcon_ was waiting.

“Han!” Luke called after him, but he already knew how useful that would be.

“I’m not coming back without help!” the smuggler shouted without looking back. In a few moments, he was gone. Luke turned to look at Io, heaving a heavy sigh. Tears had gathered in the corners of Io’s eyes, for the first time since the old Jedi had known her. He put his hand on her shoulder, and turned them back towards the complex.

~~~~~

Ben’s mind was more filled with the shouts and hisses of the voices than he could ever remember. He sat on the edge of his bed, fists clenching the edge of the mattress, his effects strewn all around the room. He had, for the first time in many years, given in to his urge to break things. Anything to silence the din in his mind that seemed to echo all around him, to scream at him from the other side of the room or to whisper into his ear. **_He was unfit to raise you. Your power was always too great, your lineage overwhelming to a lowlife like him._**

“He’s just afraid,” he murmured. “People act foolishly when they’re afraid.”

**_Weak people act foolishly. The weak are easily frightened by the strong._ **

“What about me? When my power is so great that it scares me?”

**_You could be the same, or you could step into the full potential of your legacy. You are just as much a Skywalker as a Solo._ **

“What if I don’t? What if I lose control, because I’m not frightened enough?”

**_Then you will be just like him._ **

“No,” Ben growled, but his guts hurt with how much he had looked up to his father, one of the best pilots in the galaxy, as a boy. “No. I won’t. I will be better.”

Suddenly his door, which was ajar from where he had forcefully entered the room in his rage, squeaked open wide. Io was there, her robes still dirty, her face fallen. She looked at him, and he was surprised to see tear stains on her cheeks.

“He left, didn’t he?” Ben asked.

“Yes.” **_Coward._**

“He couldn’t take it. I knew he couldn’t.”

“He knew he was making you feel worse. It was a risk he was unwilling to take,” Io said. For some reason this only filled Ben with ire.

“So running away was the best way to deal with that?” he spat, glaring up at her. “He is terrified of me.”

“He was terrified that you would suffer, one way or another, and his presence only made that more likely.”

“Are you _defending_ him?”

“No. I’m just letting you know.”

“Why couldn’t he have just let me know himself?” Ben shouted, slamming his fists down into the mattress so hard that the bed frame beneath it began to bend.

“I think he doesn’t know how,” Io reflected. “He did the only thing he learned to do all his life, Ben.”

“You _are_ defending him!” And suddenly he was up, and the bed was flying behind him and slamming into the wall of the little room, and he was inches away from her. “Do you think his fear is a good excuse??” **_Does she think you should forgive him? For making you hurt like this your whole life? What is fucking wrong with her?_**

“ _Ben_ ,” she said. Her voice was quiet, but it was profoundly sharp. For a moment, he felt like his head was going to explode. He looked into her eyes, all his rage behind him like a massive thunderhead. But she was no longer small and sad, but full of something he had never seen before. Looking back at him was something venomous, poised to strike, overwhelmingly fearless and willing to respond in kind to any affront. **_Holy shit, is she going to kill you?_** The fear response in him was visceral, instinctive, curled up beneath the shield of his power. He breathed heavily, aware that before this clash of their two coiled demons had been known to arouse them both. But this time, it was a shock to his system.

“I’m sorry,” he said finally, taking a step back away from her. He felt his anger slide back into its broiling pool in his gut. Just the same, hers receded back into some dark place he now knew he had never seen, maybe no one had. Io sighed, closing her eyes.

“Me too,” she replied, looking back up at him. As quickly as that darkness had arisen, it was gone, and she looked like herself again. He stepped back close to her and wrapped his arms around her as he let his face fall into the crook of her neck. She held him for a long while as his pain spread over him like a fever, pushing a few errant tears from his eyes, slowing the bellows of his lungs. Her hands were around his torso, gently stroking his back, her breath in sync with his.

Eventually as he pulled away from her, he wiped his face with his sleeve and rubbed his eyes. “Remind me never to piss you off,” he joked limply, but she smiled at him anyway.

Without warning, the terrible scream of the alarm sirens filled the air, and every emergency warning light in the complex began to flash violently. Ben looked at Io, his eyes going wide.

“ _They’re here._ ”


	17. Chapter 17

There was very little light in the primary control room except what emanated from the multiple control panels and holostations inside it, from behind the scattered debris and dust. Three hours before it had been bustling with life. In fact, it had been bustling with panic. The strike on the Resistance base camp had been sudden, terrible, and quick.

Ben Solo was lying on the floor of the room, clutching a burning wound on his left arm, his breath coming in sharply between his sobs. As he lay there, the blinking lights around him smearing in his tear-clouded vision, he could only replay the events in his head. But worse than those splintered visions were the memories that came behind them.

_Leia was gripping his shoulder with strength that her petite frame did not belie. They stood by the entrance ramp to a Corillean ship that was fast becoming stuffed with Resistance pilots, scientists, engineers, and fighters. “Get on the ship,” she wheezed at him, clutching her side where blood oozed out from around a chunk of shrapnel that had struck her as a blast from one of the Imperial Dreadnaught ships in orbit blew a miles-wide crater in the planet. “Get on the ship now, please, Ben.”_

_“What?! No, mother!” he had shouted at her in horror. “You go now! Go now and get help! I’ll take one of the Y-wings.”_

_“I have to make sure everybody makes it out!” she retorted. “Especially you!”_

_“Not with that thing stuck in you,” Ben said sternly. “I am going out there and I am going to find Io and get everybody from the East Wing out of there and into hyperspace. I’ll make sure for you,” He looked directly into her eyes, defiant and deeply worried. “You can’t change my mind.”_

_Tears in her eyes, Leia paused for one moment before wincing in pain._

_“Alright. Go. Find Io and get the hell out of here.” Ben nodded, brushing her check with his hand before he turned around and took off at a wild sprint for the corridors that led to the West Wing._

_“I love you Ben!” Leia called after him. But he did not hear her._

He recalled her face, smiling at him on his fourteenth birthday. Telling him he was going to train with Uncle Luke to become a Jedi. He remembered the giddy excitement, the anticipation, the gratitude to her. But then he remembered something else.

_“I just don’t know if it’s a good idea,” Han Solo said to his wife in the dingy cockpit of the Millennium Falcon._

_“Why would it be a better idea for him to grow more powerful with the Force without guidance?” Leia asked, exasperated._

_“You can’t guide him?” the smuggler asked in return, looking hopeful._

_“No, Han. I can’t. I’m sensitive to the Force. But it’s like a one-way comlink. I’ve never felt like I could do anything with it. It just speaks to me,” she explained. Han sighed, looking at the floor._

_“I guess that makes sense,” he conceded, and for once he was reluctant to give in out of his concern for his son, instead of just for the sake of his ego. But young Ben had not been entirely aware of those human frailties as he lingered in the turn of the corridor, eavesdropping. He felt his cheeks burn, and then he felt his eyes sting with the threat of tears. Did his father not understand? Would his father ever understand?_

The sob that tore out of him as those feelings returned to him was a keening wail, sharp with fresh pain. The voices he heard, had always heard, recounted everything, and hated everything. His mother with the chunk of metal in her kidney, plowing onward through sheer force of will. His father, not here. **_Never here._** He couldn’t even be there at the last possible moment, when he’d finally tried. **_He couldn’t stand it, seeing your power._** Some small part of Ben knew that this wasn’t malicious, that it was Han’s fear that had kept him from his son, a fear that had always been with him. But the greater part of him did not care, was screaming with loss, panic, and terrible pain, the kind of pain that a child could not temper with logic. **_And now she is gone, too._**

“Io,” he sobbed, his voice barely audible.

_He burst into the training hall in the East Wing where everyone was being funneled into the stairways that lead to the upper level launch bay. Frantically scanning the crowd, he saw her almost immediately, shouting and directing the flood of bodies into the steps._

_“Io!” he cried. She paused and her eyes found him. They lit up immediately with relief._

_“Ben!” she returned his call, running through the stream of people up towards him. “I was so worried!” she said as she immediately wrapped her arms around his neck. He gripped her torso and kissed her cheek quickly._

_“Me too, but we have to get everyone out,”_

_“I know,” she replied, pulling back to look at him. “I was helping clear the mess hall, the barracks, and the training hall. Some of the fighters were outside when it happened,”_

_“My mother was too. She’s injured,” he said, looking gravely at her. But the dark of his eyes betrayed his terror, his deep longing to be told she would survive by someone who knew, and his knowledge that that was impossible. Io’s face fell to one of shock._

_“But she’s alive?”_

_Ben nodded. “I told her I would make sure everyone was out and then we’d take a Y-wing.”_

_“Alright. We will. I think the East Wing is almost cleared but we should sweep the barracks before—“_

_Io was cut off midsentence by an explosion from the west doors of the training hall, and suddenly as dust cleared and the din of screams went up around them a battalion of storm troopers entered the room, firing at random._

_“AIII!” Io screamed, a sound she always made before a battle, her purple lightsaber erupting from her hand before she even blinked. She launched forward into the fray, deflecting shot after shot of blaster fire, killing several troopers in the process. Ben leapt in behind her, his own saber also drawn, cutting down troopers as he came upon them and shouting at the remaining members of the Resistance to get out as fast as they could._

_Somewhere in the din he distantly heard a trooper shout something about ‘the jedi scum’ and ‘prisoners’ and ‘Supreme Leader.’ But all he could think was that if he didn’t kill every single trooper in the room, they would kill him first._

_“’Ben! There’s too many of them! We have to close off the east doors and get out!” Io shouted to him. A few of the Resistance fighters had been armed and had pulled out their own blasters, trying to aid the young Jedi apprentices._

_“How? We’re not fast or strong enough!” he cried._

_“Use the Force, my love!” she replied, a wild light in her eyes. Then he saw her dash behind a large chunk of the blaster remains of the west wall and close her eyes for just a moment. Before he could ask what the hell she was doing, he heard a cavernous_ thud _as an enormous chuck of stone that had previously been on the ground careened into the clot of storm troopers that were still at the back of the battle, sending some flying and crushing others and effectively blocking the entrance of any more from the west door. For a moment, he was in awe. She turned, meeting his gaze, and grinned._

_But she did not see the tall figure behind her, in shining metal armor and a red cloak, carrying something staff-like that crackled with bolts of electricity._

_“IO!” he screamed, horrified, as the shining trooper struck his lover, his best friend, in the back, sending the electric zaps over her body, her eyes falling from mischievous encouragement into a blank look of shock before rolling back into her head. Convulsing, her light saber sputtered and went out, and as the trooper took the metal staff to her gut, she fell to the ground._

_Before he could scream, a burning pain struck him in his arm, where a trooper with a laser blade had thrown it at him. Growling in pain, shock, and an enormous surge of white-hot anger, he turned and ran directly at the storm trooper, who appeared to have lost his blaster at some point in the battle, and who now turned to run away. Before he had taken four steps, Ben cut him down from behind with a hideous howl. Sensing more troopers, he spun around to deflect several blaster shots and slice through more white armor before he made it back up to where Io and the shining trooper with the red cape had been. But now, they were gone._

For a long time, he laid there unable to do more than grip his wounds and sob. The pain in his heart and in his body had coalesced to cause him to fall into a nearly incoherent state, and he could not conceive of when or how or why he might stand up. It was too late to do anything, with everyone on the base either dead or escaped. He didn’t know where Luke had been. His mother was likely away on the shuttle, but her wound had been terrible. Io, if she was alive at all, was likely now a captive of the First Order—and there was no way they would be able to extract information out of her without killing her in the process, anyway.

After a while, Ben felt a strange presence in the Force, unfamiliar, sinister, and bent on him. But he lay there sucking in air as he could, the pain in his arm almost overwhelming. He knew that whoever it was, he could not run from them. All he could think about was his mother’s blood soaking her tunic, the horrible screams ringing in the training hall, Io’s limp body crumpled in a heap on the ground.

The presence of the other became stifling. It was as if a dense fog had settled into the air around him. He sputtered and wheezed, not looking up.

“Ben Solo,” came a voice, grating and ominous and somehow strange and familiar at the same time. He did not answer it.

“Why have they left you here, Ben Solo?” the voice asked again. Once again, he made no reply. His mind was blank, unable to fathom who or what was encroaching upon him, wishing only for a swift death.

“Were they too weak? Too frightened? Too powerless?” Though Ben’s body had become stone in his grief-laden silence, he felt his heart twist and pang. Suddenly, he felt anger like a needle pricking him.

“Or were you too close? Too close to them to feel the power of the Dark Side approaching you?” The figure was in front of him now, the shadow of dark robes just at the periphery of his sight, but Ben still did not look up to see his face.

“Left for dead. Seems a pity,” the voice continued. The voices in Ben’s head were screaming at him that the stranger was right. **_They left you here._** How long had he been laying there on the floor in his own sweat and blood, screaming? Lost and totally without recourse? Han Solo hadn’t even come back to look for him. His mother hadn’t sent anyone back for him.

**_You told her you would get out. How many ships did we lose to those blasts? Could they even spare one to come for you?_** Some rational part of his mind was trying to reason with him, the way it had done his whole childhood. It had placated him dozens of times when his father wasn’t present when he needed him, or when his mother was too protective to let him train as a Jedi at first, when he ate lunch alone for the first couple of months at the Jedi Academy. **_When your anger and your power with the Force accidentally broke something._**

“Ah yes,” the voice said suddenly. “You have been strong with the Force for a long time. Not quite the same as other mishaps, were they? The look in your mother’s eyes when you used it on accident, like she feared you.”

He could remember that look. The voice was right. But suddenly he realized what had just happened.

“How do you know about that?” Ben asked suddenly, looking up finally at the figure. The face was not what he had expected- a wizened, sunken face with heavy brow and beady black eyes greeted him, scowling.

“That is the power of the Dark Side,” he replied. “I can find your thoughts, Ben Solo, and your memories. I know what they did to you. I know how they feared you. I know how it hurt you.” Ben felt fresh tears sting his eyes, but these were hot with rage.

“Io wasn’t afraid of me!” he barked in reply. Even her frightening responses to his power were better to him than being feared by his own parents, by his own teacher.

“Io is dead,” the old creature replied flatly. “She was strong with the Force, too. I felt it. But she is not any longer. Only you remain.”

Ben was silent for a long moment, unable to even scream.

“What do I do?” he asked finally, all pretense to vengeful power dropped away. He felt as small and as lonely as he ever had. The white-hot anger was seething in him, but it could not answer his question. His head hit the ground again as he slumped in defeat.

“I can help you,” the voice came, seeming gentler this time. “I can teach you to control your power. Together we can end the foolish resuscitation of the Jedi Order by Luke Skywalker, just as the Sith Rule of Two was broken. Then, neither side will control us. Our power will be limitless if we tap into all aspects of the Force, and then finally this incessant conflict will end. We can restore true order to the galaxy.”

The silence in the control room was thick for the moments that followed as the rational, trained part of Ben warred with the part that screamed for control, for freedom, for release of this painful loss. Finally, he looked up at the hollow face of the stranger and met his gaze, his eyes hardened.

“If we want to do that, then all the remaining Jedi trainees must die.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you everyone for the kudos!! this is now the finished first part of a series... right now there is only one other part in the series, but who knows. the next one will be a slow burn >:)   
> comments are always welcome and thanks for reading if you have. it means a lot to me!


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